When All Hope Fails
by Iris Omega
Summary: Despair can swallow you whole. It can consume you with no remorse. There are no innocents. When all hope fails, what is left? FxOC CHAPTER XI FINALLY UPLOADED!
1. Chapter I: Revelations

Author's Note: Goodness... my first Alice 19th story... actually, my first story in over two years! o.o -dies- I'm so nervous. I have a feeling this is going to suck. -laughs at self- My first story in two years and I'm writing a self-insert (well, sort of)! Okay, yes, I'll admit it, Clementine is based on me. I had to change her a little, though, because in some ways I am scarily like Alice. And it wouldn't be cool to have two characters who are so much alike.

But anyway... I hope you enjoy my first Alice 19th story, and cut me some slack... –sweatdrop- Getting back into the whole fanfiction thing is hard, man. Really hard.

---

Disclaimer: I do not—in any way, shape, or form—own Alice 19th or the characters associated with Yu Watase's amazing manga. I am just using them for my own devices. –sweatdrop- I do, however, own Clementine, so no using her without permission. Not that anyone would want to use her, anyway. -big sweatdrop- Ah, never mind, no one reads these things anyway...

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Chapter I: Revelations

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"_I can't breathe... oh, God, I can't breathe! Wh-what's wrong...? No... air..."_

"Clem?! Clem, what's wrong?!"

"Clem, can you talk?"

"Someone call an ambulance!!"

"Oh my god, she's not breathing!"

"_Can't feel... my legs... can't... see..."_

"It'll be alright, Clem... it'll be alright..."

"_I-I'm... dy... ing..."_

_---_

"Has she woken up yet, nurse?"

"Not yet, Mrs. Greensley. But don't worry, she is safe from slipping into a coma."

"Oh, thank God..."

"I'm sure you were very worried. A severe asthma attack like that must have been frightening."

"Oh, yes... I wasn't even at the track when it happened..."

"Well, not to worry, we've taken good care of her."

"Glad to hear it."

"Ah, Mrs. Greensley, I'm glad you're here. I need to speak with you outside for a moment."

"Of course, doctor"

---

"_Gah... bright light..."_

Clementine opened her eyes—slowly adjusting to the glare of the hospital lights. Her hazel eyes lethargically scanned over the blank white walls of the room.

"What happened...?" she murmured, slightly disoriented.

"Ah, Miss Greensley! It's nice to see that you have awoken."

A young, raven-haired nurse strode into the room. She didn't seem to be much older than eighteen—not much older than Clementine herself—and wore a smile that seemed to be plastered on her face; fake and un-assuring.

"Is there something I can get you? Some water?"

Clem shook her head. "No. I'm fine."

"Well, if you're sure. Call me if you need anything."

The nurse exited the room with haste, seeming to not be able to leave fast enough for her liking.

"_She seemed preoccupied... her boyfriend's probably here, or something..."_

Releasing a deep sigh, Clementine leaned her head back against the stiff, starchy pillows and closed her eyes tiredly. The events of the previous day came flooding back into her mind like a tidal wave.

_(flashback)_

"_Hey, Clem, keep up the pace!"_

"_I'm trying!!" Clementine seemed to smile and scowl at the same time. "I must just be having an off day today."_

_Coach Grady performed his famous half-smile-half-smirk. "Well, everyone's aloud one of those every once in a while. Just do your best."_

"_Right, Grady. Thanks."_

_Clem always loved that about Grady. He was very tough, but knew when the kids couldn't push themselves anymore; he knew when to be strict, and he also knew when to cut some slack. And slack was just what Clem needed._

_Carefully positioning herself, Clem comfortably settled her feet in the starting blocks. Starting was her biggest weakness, and she desperately needed some practice before the State meet that was coming up._

_She sprang off the blocks with dexterity—yet still with hesitation. Sighing to herself, she positioned her feet on the blocks and crouched. Her eyes widened suddenly, and she fell to her knees._

"_Grady!" she gasped out in a raspy voice. "There's something wrong!"_

_Soon there was a crowd of people surrounding her. The whole track team was beside themselves—whispering and speaking in loud, distressed voices._

"_What's wrong, Coach Grady? Is Clem alright?"_

"_Should we get some help?"_

"_Calm down, people, calm down." Grady knelt next to Clem. "Clem, can you hear me? What's wrong?"_

"_I... can't breathe... my chest..."_

"_Okay, Clem, just calm down and breathe. Try breathing in through your nose."_

_She tried, but the method only resulted in a violent fit of coughing, making Clem lose even more air. More people—including concerned parents—joined the crowd._

"_Clem?! Clem, what's wrong?!"_

"_Clem, can you talk?"_

"_Someone call an ambulance!!"_

"_Oh my god, she's not breathing!"_

"_It'll be alright, Clem... it'll be alright..."_

_And then all was black._

_(end flashback)_

Clementine shot straight up in her bed, hazel eyes wide. "I... almost died..."

"Clem? Clementine?"

"Mom?"

"Oh, thank goodness!" Mrs. Greensley embraced Clem tightly. "I'm so glad you're awake..."

"Mom... what happened? Why am I in the hospital? What happened to me at track?"

Mrs. Greensley pulled away and smiled—her green eyes meeting Clem's hazel ones reassuringly. "Honey, you had an asthma attack."

Clem raised a slender eyebrow. "But, mom, we both know I don't have asthma. How could I have an asthma attack?"

Mrs. Greensley shrugged slightly. "I'm not sure, dear, but that's what the doctor has diagnosed it as."

"So... how long do I have to stay here?"

"The doctor said that you can go home tomorrow. They just want to keep you for the day to make sure you don't have some sort of strange relapse. And they're going to prescribe some medication for you."

"Right..." Clem yawned. "Wow, I'm really tired all of the sudden..."

"Alright, dear, I can take a hint." Mrs. Greensley stooped down to kiss her daughter on the forehead, then smiled as she straightened. "I'll come back later."

Clementine smiled wearily. "Thanks, mom. See ya." Closing her eyes, she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

---

-Nine months later-

Clementine sat on her bed, staring blankly at the wall—her rusty-red hair falling over her shoulders in disarray. A lone tear began to stream down her cheek, but she lifted a pale hand and wiped it away hastily. Much to her displeasure, more tears followed, and she couldn't control it anymore. Burying her face in her pillow, she let the tears loose and soon the sobs were racking her body uncontrollably—followed by a violent coughing fit.

She searched frantically for her inhaler—desperate to stop the ragging coughs. To her relief, it was right next to her bed. She breathed the aerosol in slowly, and let the air out through her nose. Soon her breathing was returned to normal, and she leaned against the wall wearily. Suddenly seized by a surge of anger, she forcefully threw her inhaler against the wall.

"I hate it... I hate everything... I can't run anymore... I can't sing anymore... I can't even cry anymore! This cursed asthma ruins everything!!"

Panicked by the threat of another attack, Clem calmed herself down. Although physically calm, her heart still flowed with hatred.

"I hate life... I hate living... I wish it would just go away..."

"_**Then come..."**_

Startled, Clementine jumped to her feet and hastily looked around her room. "Wh-who's there?"

"_**Come into the darkness..."**_

Wide-eyed, Clem threw open her closet door. "Where are you?!"

"_**The darkness welcomes you..."**_

Panicking, she headed for the door; only to be stopped by a swirling eddy of black and purple that seemed to swallow up her door right in front of her. A figure with long, white hair who was all dressed in black extended its bony hand to her.

"**_If you are hurting, you will love it here. I assure you."_**

The asthma seized Clem and she fell to the ground, trembling and gasping for breath. Shakily, she reached for her inhaler, but the wisps of black were enveloping her.

"_**Do not fight it. It will swallow you whole."**_

Giving up, Clementine collapsed and curled up into a ball, squeezing her eyes shut. "Go... go away... leave me alone..."

"**_Now, now, child... do not be angry with me..."_ **The figure smiled, but there was something unnatural and menacing in its smile. **_"I seek to alleviate your pain."_**

The darkness was surrounding her. She could barely see glimpses of light. _"I suppose... I don't... stand a chance..."_ Closing her eyes, she felt her body relax as she began to slip into unconsciousness.

"RAJE!!"

There was a loud voice, and the darkness started to dissipate.

"JIVA!"

Clementine gasped as her lungs involuntarily expanded and filled with air. Half-raising herself up, she could see a young man through the mixture of darkness and light. Looking up, she saw the bony figure above her. She saw she was entangled in many threads of darkness that seemed to be woven by it.

"DANA!"

The figure hissed as water washed towards it. Clem let out a small shriek. As the water washed over them, she watched the threads start to dissipate. Soon, however, they were replenished two-fold.

The figured cackled. **_"Fool... you cannot defeat me with such pettishness... this girl does not wish to be saved."_**

The young man's emerald green eyes widened as he turned them on Clem. Clem felt burned under his scrutinizing gaze.

"Th-that's not true!! It's not!"

The figure laughed again. **_"Child, you were the one who called me here. It was the Mara within your own heart that brought me forth."_**

Clementine's eyes widened as she watched the figure prepare to engulf her completely. "NO!! Let me go! Let me go, now!" She struggled against the smothering darkness—seemingly to no avail. "Let... me... GO!"

There was suddenly a burst of light, and the figure disappeared. Clementine collapsed to her knees, supporting herself by her hands, breathing heavily. Lifting her right wrist, she noticed that a rope bracelet with a single red stone hung from it.

"That's the figure for Buimuku—release. So you are a Lotis Master, after all."

Clem looked up at the young man. He was tall—a good head or two taller than her, and she wasn't short. His eyes were bright green and sparkled with a kind of good-nature—yet she was sure there was some arrogance hiding in there. His hair was short—except for a braid in the front—and almost platinum blonde. He wore a single jeweled earring that seemed to be glowing unnaturally.

"Who... are you?"

"Frey Weilhausen, Lotis Master, at your service," he responded smoothly with an exaggerated bow.

Clem stared at him incredulously. "What's your game?"

Frey pretended to be offended. "Game? Young lady, I just saved your humanity, and this is the thanks I get?"

"Saved my... humanity? What, are you with some kind of cult or something? And what was the black thing?" Not waiting for an answer, she continued. "I must be dreaming. If I am, this is kind of cool. This can't be real, so I might as well enjoy it while it lasts."

"Miss Clementine Greensley, this is not a dream."

Clementine stopped short and stared at Frey for a long time. "You knew my name. There's no way you could know my name in real life. This is a dream."

Frey's emerald eyes adapted a hard and serious demeanor. "Clementine, I am speaking the truth. You have encountered a very powerful Mara because of the darkness within your own heart. If you had given in, you would know for sure that you're not dreaming."

"Whatever. I know that this can't be true. It can't! It defies all the laws of... well... everything! It's some strange dream my disturbed mind has concocted from my insecurities. Or so my doctor would say..."

Frey sighed deeply. "I wish I could convince you otherwise... you leave me no choice..." Raising his hand towards Clementine, he shouted, "PAASA!"

---

"Ung..." Clementine sat up slowly, holding her hand to her head. She looked around her room. "Wha...?"

Standing up, she searched her whole room for any sign of Frey or of what had happened. "It was a dream..." She smiled, feeling secure again. "It was just a dream. I have nothing to worry about."

Feeling a bit happier—or at least more sure of her sanity—she skipped down the stairs to find something to do. Something to distract her from the disturbing thoughts.

"Mom, can I go over to Chenelle's?" A voice floated up the stairs and Clementine stopped dead in her tracks.

"Sure, honey, go ahead."

Clem's eyes widened. "I... I'm an only child... that voice... it was mine..."

Rushing down the stairs as fast as her legs could carry her, she rushed into the kitchen. "Mom! Mom, what's going on?!"

Mrs. Greensley was cooking, and when Clem spoke, she didn't react at all. Clem frowned.

"Mom, why are you ignoring me??"

There was still no response. Frustrated, Clementine walked over to tap her mother on the shoulder. Much to her shock, her hand passed right through her mothers shoulder as if she were a ghost. Hazel eyes wide, she tried touching other things, but the same thing happened every time.

Turning—panicked—she raced out of the house and down the street. Up ahead, she saw herself walking along aimlessly. Swallowing hard, she decided to follow herself—something she had never imagined, even in her wildest dreams, of doing. After a while, she concluded that the Her she was following wasn't planning on going to Chenelle's house after all.

Rounding a corner of the street, a car raced down the street, almost hitting Her—while passing right through Clementine herself—and throwing mud all over the place. She watched herself force a smile as the teenage boys "apologized" (sarcastically, of course). As the boys drove away, she saw Her expression completely change—and tongues of darkness were emitted from her heart. Looking up, she saw the bony figure looming over Her head. Clem's mouth dropped open.

"That's... the same thing from my dream..."

A tear slipped down Her face, and She ran down the street to a little cove near the park. Pulling out a small book from under a rock, She leaned against the hard wall and started writing.

"Wait... I... I remember this... this isn't a dream... this is a memory..." Clem looked at her surroundings. "A year ago, after..." Clem's eyes filled up with tears as she trailed off, and she turned to see Her eyes filling up with tears as well, and Her face contorting into an angry expression.

As the pen She had bounced and jotted all over the pages in a fury, Clementine could hear the figure's voice laughing, taunting. Tears started streaming down her face in disbelief.

"It's always been there. My hatred... made it... I was destroying myself without even knowing it..." Leaning back against a willow tree, she held her head in her hands and whispered, "It wasn't a dream. He was right."

---

Her room suddenly materialized in front of Clementine, and she lifted her tear-stained face to see Frey standing in front of her with a compassionate expression gracing his normally cocky face.

"I'm sorry, Clementine... I wish I could have shown you another way..."

She shook her head violently. "No... no... I needed it... I never would have believed you otherwise..."

Gently placing his hands on her shoulders, he spoke quietly. "Come, we have much to discuss."

---

Author's Note: Well, of course we all knew it was Frey from the beginning. I mean, who else is so totally awesome?! I'm sorry, but not even Kyo (my total favorite character) is as awesome as Frey. But he's still my favorite character. And he's mine. Alice and Mayura both can't have him.

Alice: -bursts into tears-

Author: -si-igh- Fine... so Kyo isn't mine. But I'd like to think so. Anyway, don't forget to review! I could definitely use some constructive criticism and ideas right now! Over two-year writer's block doesn't just disappear, you know. So feel free to state your opinions, hopes, and wildest ideas! I just might consider them as options! Sometimes you can get inspiration from the strangest ideas, so don't hold back on me.


	2. Chapter II: Duty Calls

Author's Note: I'm back! No, I didn't die. Well, not permanently, anyway. I've been up to my eyeballs in schoolwork (that's what I get for going to a college prep school), chores, and the few doctors' appointments I must attend. Sorry if I kept you waiting.

Here's the second chapter! I hope you enjoy.

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Disclaimer: sigh Why do I have to do this every chapter??

-clears throat- I do not own Alice 19th or anything associated with Alice 19th. I do, however, own any characters I use that are not presented in said manga, and you must have permission to use them.

Thank you.

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Chapter II: Duty Calls

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Clem stared at Frey, slender eyebrow cocked, looking as if she had just witnessed a third eye growing out of his forehead.

"What?" he asked, amusement sparkling in his eyes. "Like something you see?"

Clementine quickly shook her head—blushing—and scowled. "No, not that!" Pausing, she sighed. "It's just that... well... everything you're saying is just going straight over my head. Lotis words... Lotsunan League of Sacred Guides... "Buimuku"... it just doesn't make sense."

Frey nodded—his blonde braid sliding over his shoulder. "I expected as much. Don't worry about grasping everything you hear. It will take a while to fully understand."

"I don't like doing things I don't understand."

Frey's lips twisted upwards in a sort of smirk. "It's understandable, Miss Clementine. None of us enjoy doing things we don't understand. We can't determine the outcome." He leaned forward; his mirthful countenance being replaced by a steely look. "However, you did see the Mara in your own heart. Understand this: if you do not overcome it, it will devour you whole."

Clem diverted her hazel eyes to the carpet silently. "I..." Feeling a hand placed gently on her shoulder, she looked up to meet Frey's eyes.

"Clementine... I know you're suspicious. You're telling yourself that this is some kind of ploy—that I'm some kind of con-artist. But believe me when I say this: I am as sincere as I could ever be. Everything I have said is true. Deep down, you know this. Deep down, you know what you have to do."

Looking away, Clementine slowly let out a deep breath. "I... I need to join the Sacred Guides... I need to become stronger..." She looked back at him a bit confusedly. "But why? So I can fight myself?"

Frey smiled. "No, Clementine. You must grow stronger so you can overcome your darkness, and then you must help overcome the darkness of others. There's darkness in every heart, and the average human cannot overcome the Mara on their own. It's the duty of us Lotis Masters to use the Lotis words in order to eradicate the Mara from the hearts of mankind. To use a cliché phrase, 'we fight for the greater good.'"

A slight smile graced Clementine's lips. "It all sounds so simple when you put it that way."

"Simple, it is most certainly not," Frey stated in a laughing tone. "It's one of the most complicated things you could ever do. But," he added, eyes twinkling. "It becomes easier as you go."

Clem raised her eyes to the wall—staring blankly for quite a while. Finally, she turned back to Frey—resolution flashing in her eyes. "I'll do it."

"A wise choice."

---

"Um, Clem, dear... who is this?"

Clementine turned to her mother. "Eh..." She looked up at Frey. "He's a friend. From a school in Northern Europe."

Mrs. Greensley still looked incredulous—eyeing Frey a bit warily.

"Mom... don't worry! We're not... 'involved.'" Clem couldn't help but smile a bit at the idea. Frey did happen to be extremely handsome and chivalrous, if not a little enigmatic.

Frey turned to her mother, smiling broadly. "It's so very nice to meet you, Mrs. Greensley. I've heard much about you." Lifting Mrs. Greensley's hand, he pressed his lips to it in a gentlemanly gesture—yet one quite alien to Clem and her mother. Blushing deeply in response, Mrs. Greensley seemed at a loss for words. Grinning, Frey went on.

"Are you sure you're Clementine's mother? You seem too beautiful—too young!"

At this point, Mrs. Greensley was at a complete loss—blushing and stuttering in response to Frey's incessant flattery.

Clem sweat-dropped, watching the humorously uncomfortable scene unfold. _"Is this guy for real?"_

---

Clementine, Frey, and Mrs. Greensley were seated at the kitchen table. Mrs. Greensley was surveying Clementine was a scrupulous gaze—a slight blush still tinting her cheeks. "You want to study abroad?

"Well, yes," Clem stated with as cute a smile as she could muster. "There's this one school in Northern Europe that's supposed to be exceptional—Frey says so, at least, and he's one of the head members there—and being an exchange student is something I've wanted to do for a long time."

It wasn't a lie. She had wanted to study abroad for quite a while. _"Still... lying to mom doesn't feel right for some reason..."_

"I can surely attest to this, Mrs. Greensley," Frey added, flashing a brilliant smile. "I've attended this school for a few years, and look how I turned out!"

Complete silence reigned.

"Um..." Clementine cleared her throat to break the uncomfortable hush. "Anyways, what do you say, mom?"

"Well..." Mrs. Greensley looked a bit torn. "It might be a good experience... but it will be very different. You do understand that, right, Clem?"

"Of course, mom. I know that I'll have to change a lot of things, but I'm hoping it's worth it." She inwardly sighed. _"I'm praying that it's worth it..."_

Mrs. Greensley shifted her eyes from Clementine, to Frey, then back to Clem. Closing them, she sighed deeply. "Alright... if you think this will be helpful to your education..."

Smiling, Clem stood up and hugged her mother. "It will be, mom. I promise."

Mrs. Greensley hugged Clementine—a forced smile on her lips. She leaned over and whispered in her ear. "Don't let this young man take advantage of you."

Blushing deeply, Clementine vigorously shook her head. "Don't worry, I most certainly will not."

"I love you, sweetie."

Clem closed her eyes—barring the flood-gate of tears. _"This... this could be the last time I ever see mom... Frey told me that what I'm about to do is dangerous... I could die... what would happen if I die? What would mom do? I'm the only thing she has left..."_ Suddenly, she felt like she was torn in two. _"I know what I need to do, and I know how to do it... yet... where's the line between the duty of a savior and the duty of a daughter?"_ A tear freed itself from underneath her eyelid and slid down her cheek. "I love you too, mom." Pulling back, she smiled tearily. "I should probably go pack. We need to leave tomorrow. I have everything cleared up at school."

"Alright, honey. Will you be visiting back here for Christmas?"

Clementine bit her lip, and then forced a bright smile. "Of course!" Her forced smile was replaced by a genuine one. "Or maybe you could come visit me for Christmas! I know you've always wanted to visit Europe."

"That's a good idea, Clementine," Frey voiced, exposing his ever-cheerful smile. "We would love to have you visit, Mrs. Greensley. There's always room for visitors at our school."

Mrs. Greensley smiled—the sadness in her eyes dissipating. "It sounds like a plan."

---

Sighing, Clementine leaned back against the airplane seat. It had been a long day. Packing, planning, saying goodbye... _"Everything's just gone by in a blur..."_

"Are you alright, Clementine?"

Lazily opening an eye, Clem glanced at Frey. "I'm fine. Just a little overwhelmed."

"Completely understandable. Actually, you've dealt with this much better than I had anticipated."

"What did you think I would do? Freak out?"

"Well, quite frankly, yes. That's how most people respond."

Clem grinned slightly—slowly opening both green-brown eyes. "Well, that was my initial reaction, wasn't it?"

Laughing a bit, Frey nodded. "True, true."

Yawning quietly, Clementine closed her eyes again and soon fell asleep. Time flew by, and when she re-opened her eyes, it was dark. Blinking to clear the sleepy haze, she saw that a few lights were on. She tilted her head and saw that Frey was staring blankly at a picture. She strained to get a good view of the picture, but only could make out a young woman with blonde hair.

"Who is that?"

Frey jumped—snapping out of his reverie. "Wha...? Oh, it's no one." He quickly hid the picture.

Usually, Clementine would have pestered Frey until he answered, but she was stopped by the look of remorse and anguish she read in his deep-green eyes. Knowing that she shouldn't push any further, she shrugged a little and let it go.

After a while of staring at the seat in front of him, Frey shifted his back to Clementine and laid his head on his stiff white airplane pillow. "Good night, Clementine."

"Good night, Frey."

Sighing, she looked out the window at the passing clouds. _"This is going to be one interesting experience..."_

---

Author's Note: Sorry this chapter is so short. It's just basically a filler. The next one should be longer. _I hope._ -sweatdrop-

I'm trying sooo hard to keep Frey in character... I don't know how well I'm succeeding... -sigh-

Thanks to all who reviewed!!

Review Responses:

**mary: **Thanks very much. No, no, I'm most definitely NOT in college. I am merely a lowly high-school freshman. And I'm not kidding. Haha, nooo, you can't have Frey. He's so totally mine.

**essenceofdreams:** Um... -blush- Th-thank you... I'm glad you like this fic so much... I wasn't expecting anyone to like it very much... but... thank you. I'm elated to know that someone is actually looking forward to more chapters, instead of groaning and praying for it to be over.

**June Antilles:** It's ABOUT TIME you read this!! Well, I basically had to force you to read it. lol, anyways, thanks for the review.


	3. Chapter III: Field of Dreams

Author's Note: Hey all. Thank you for being so patient with me, and thanks for all the support. I really, truly appreciate it. I'll let you all know that I'm doing much, much better. I'm still dealing with the symptoms, though. If you want the whole, long story of what happened... you can ask... but, otherwise, I won't bore you with the details.

But here's the long-awaited chapter at long last! Hopefully I won't disappoint you all...

---

Disclaimer: I'm too tired for this...

I do not own Alice 19th or any characters in it, but I own my characters... blah...

---

Chapter III: Field of Dreams

---

Clementine lazily opened her eyes. Groggily, she looked around--finding herself lying in a field. She blinked, then rubbed her eyes hastily--hoping that she was just hallucinating from sleepiness. Much to her dismay, the field was still there, and she was still lying in it.

"_What about the plane? What happened? Did it crash...? No, I would've woken up... unless I was drugged, or something..." _As a thought crossed her mind, she felt dread rising. _"Frey. He tricked me." _

Clementine was a pessimist, so--as a pessimist would--she immediately expected the worst. _"He must be some kind of con-artist... but... wait... I haven't given him any money or anything. What could he want?"_

Deciding that it wouldn't hurt to look around, she slowly stood--wobbling a bit. "This definitely isn't anyplace I've seen before..." she murmured, slowly trekking through the knee-high grass. As she stepped through a matted patch of grass, her foot slipped into a puddle of mud. "Great..." she muttered. "Just what I needed..."

A small river was visible in the distance. Clem pulled her shoes off and continued on towards the river--planning to wash her now muddy foot off in the water. She carefully made her way through the tall grass, and she suddenly realized that she couldn't hear any sound of running water. The river wasn't flowing--it was still water.

"Strange... rivers always run... ponds are still... but, this is definitely a river..."

Stopping at the bank of the river, she dipped her foot into the water and shuddered at the ice-cold temperature. It took all of her will-power to submerge her foot once more, but she quickly dipped it in and wiped the mud off until her foot was clean again.

Clem sat on the bank for a while as she put her shoes back on. _"This place is so strange... I wonder where I am... everything seems almost... magical." _For a moment she just sat--taking in her surroundings and plotting her course of action. There was a small wooden bridge to her left, and she decided that crossing it to see what lied beyond would be as good a plan as any.

"_Well, the least I can do is get a drink before continuing." _She dipped her hands into the water and stopped. The ice-cold water had suddenly become very warm. As she lifted her hands out of the river, she watched the crystal-clear water slowly turn blood-red as it trickled through her fingers. Eyes wide, she gazed at the river. Its mirroring surface held her face in its reflection--but only for a moment. The drops of blood rippled the water and slowly morphed the image into the face of a distorted, blackened fiend. Frightened, Clementine quickly jumped away from the water.

The scene had shocked and frightened her; she sat, stunned, for a few minutes. Then, with tremendous speed, she sprang up and ran for the bridge. She stopped once she reached the middle of the bridge--leaning over to catch her breath. _"It's... okay... I must have just been hallucinating... I've been through a traumatic experience--although... I don't remember what the experience was..."_

Determined to convince herself that the image she had seen was merely a hallucination, she leaned over the bridge and gazed into the water once more. Not prepared for the image she beheld, her whole body stiffened and her hazel eyes went wide. Floating on the surface of the still water was the body of a blonde woman.

Clem had never seen a dead body before, and the sight unnerved her. _"This is just... just like a horror movie... a supernatural horror movie... but... this can't really be happening... I mean, a dead body--sure... but... all the other things..."_

"_**Clementine."**_

Clementine jumped in surprise. Fearfully, she glanced back at the body in the water. Its eyes were open, and its mouth was twisted in a cruel grin. Her hand flew to her mouth as she stood in horror.

"_**Clementine. You vile creature--what do you think you are doing? You have no right to what you are aspiring to. There is no room for you in the light."**_

She backed away from the railing and slumped down against the planks of the bridge, squeezing her eyes shut. "No... no... go away..."

"_**Do not fool yourself... you belong with us... Clementine..."**_

All strength left Clementine's limbs, and she found herself completely unable to move. Whether from fear or from some other power, she didn't know. But the voice kept ringing in her ears.

"_**Clementine... Clementine..."**_

"Go... away..." Beads of sweat rolled down her face. "Just go. I'm not going to let myself be held back by you... I defeated you once, and I'll do it again!"

Strength started returning to her limbs, and she lifted her head. The field, the river, the bridge--all were gone. She was now sitting in the middle of a black white room, and the voice kept ringing in her head.

"_**Join us... Clementine... Clementine... Clementine..."**_

"Stop... stop it... please... just stop!!"

"_**Clementine!"**_

---

"Aaahhh!" Clementine sprang awake. She glanced around quickly, expecting to see the field, or the white room. All that she saw, however, was Frey's slightly confused, slightly amused face.

"Well, it's about time! I was starting to think that you had fallen into a coma."

Clem shifted her eyes to him in a narrow glare. "I just about had a heart-attack, idiot!"

Frey chuckled. "Sorry, I did speak pretty loudly."

Closing her eyes, she laid her head back against the airplane seat and let out a long, shuddering sigh. "It's alright..." _"After all... he woke me up... from that horrible dream... nightmare... but, it was just a dream... just a dream..."_

Even though she had established that it was just a dream, she couldn't take her mind off of it. She had dreamt unsettling dreams before, but there was something about this one that disturbed her deeply. _"I just can't put my finger on it..."_

"Well... the plane's landed... that's why I woke you up. It's time to get off." Frey stood up, and Clementine realized that there were very few people left on the plane. "Eric should be waiting to pick us up."

Clem nodded absently. "Right... let's go."

---

"Frey!"

Frey looked up, and a wide grin spread across his face. "Eric!"

A tall man with red-orange hair walked over and gave Frey a hug. "Glad you're back." His gaze shifted to Clementine, who stood next to Frey, hands folded in front of her a bit shyly. "And who is this beautiful young lady?"

Laughing at the slight blush that crossed Clementine's face, Frey put a hand on her shoulder. "This is Clementine Greensley--budding, young Lotis master. I found her on my trip to America."

"Ah, well--welcome, Miss Clementine." Eric bowed slightly. "I am glad to meet you."

"Um... the pleasure is all mine... sir..." Clementine stuttered, a blush still staining her cheeks.

Eric smiled charmingly. "The car is waiting outside. I'm sure you will love it at our branch, Miss Clementine."

Clem forced a cheery smile. "I'm sure I will."

---

"_Ugh... all these boxes..." _Clementine faced a stack of boxes lined against the wall of her new room with disgust. _"I am such a pack-rat..." _With a sigh of despair, she opened one and started unpacking.

Eric had been very obliging. He and Frey had given her the grand-tour of the branch. It looked like an old church--the stained-glass windows, the steeple, the white-washed appearance... It was rather quaint and homely. _"Rather adorable..."_

The room she had been given looked out over a wide, green plain. From living in the city for so long, Clementine hadn't even realized that places such as that existed. _"It's so beautiful... so peaceful... and charming. Not busy, like the city. But... there's something eerie about the stillness... something chilling in the calm... for some reason, something just seems... off."_

Visions of the dream wouldn't leave her mind. Pictures of the blonde lady dead in the still water distressed her. For some reason, she couldn't help feeling as if she had seen that lady before. Just thinking of it sent shivers down her spine. _"Think happy thoughts... think happy thoughts..." _Closing her eyes, she let out a shuddering breath.

Unpacking was a laborious task--one that Clementine hated with a passion. The minutes--and hours--slowly ticked by. Finally, every box was unpacked and every possession had found its niche. "Finally... done."

Slumping down on her window seat, Clem gazed out the large window to the field beyond. There was something rather... inviting about it. _"I've never really ran in a field before... except..." _She bit her lip and cut off her train of thought. _"Not now..."_

Her hazel eyes quickly glanced at the clock hanging on her wall. _"4 o' clock... there's time for me to take a quick walk before dinner... er, 'supper'..." _She stood and quietly made her way out of the building.

The wind was mellow, yet it was still there--gently pushing her hair away from her face and brushing the grass against her legs. It was a sublime day. The sky was a crystal blue--not the smoggy, gray blue of the city. Billowy clouds graced the sky every so often. Purple and pink flowers popped up every so often, dotting the fields. All in all, the landscape was beautiful.

"_What a beautiful day... I've never seen anything like this..." _Clementine suddenly frowned. _"Yet... I feel like I have... I feel like I've stood in this field before..."_

Continuing on across the field, she could hardly keep the strange thoughts from flowing. _"I couldn't have been here before... but... that oak tree looks strangely familiar... and..." _She stopped abruptly, and then bent down towards the ground. The grass was matted--as if someone had been lying there. _"Strange... I wonder if someone else is out here..."_

She pressed onwards--a little cautiously. Her surroundings were still foreign to her, and trusting those at the "branch" was a little hard--no matter how nice they were. As she walked along, absentmindedly, her foot slipped and she barely avoided stepping in a puddle of mud. Her eyes went wide, and she froze. _"No... wait... that can't be... calm down, Clementine... it's just your imagination... you're making too much of the situation... so what if there's a puddle of mud? They're all over the place in fields..."_

Although she tried to convince herself that it was a sheer coincidence, her superstitious side continued to pester her. _"What if it's not a coincidence? What if something is going on here? Something... supernatural...? That 'being' in your room wasn't exactly 'normal.'"_

Shaking off the thoughts, she gritted her teeth and kept going. There were some times when her mind went out-of-control, and she was tired of submitting to its crazed antics. _"There's nothing going on here... I'm just psyching myself out... AGAIN..."_

She trudged up a short hill and stood on the top--overlooking another green sea of grass. Only, this time there was a separating line between two fields. It was a river--a river with a small, wooden bridge crossing it. Clementine's mouth went dry as her darkest fears were affirmed. She fell, and only heard one thing before everything went black...

"_**Clementine..."**_

---

Author's Note: -nervous gulp- Uhh... that turned out nothing like I expected... this is getting a bit out-of-control...

Please, please, please leave reviews! They are the life-blood of a fanfiction writer!! And again, I want to thank all of you guys for your support. It really helps me.

Review Responses:

**Helbaworshipper: **Thanks for being so patient. I hope this chapter was a sufficeable re-payment...

**Essence of Dreams: **Haha, your review made me laugh. 'Tis a good thing, don't worry. But thank you very, very much. And yes, I do have a fiction press account. Same pen name. But... I don't really have much there right now. I'm working on some original fiction.

**RedCrow1120: **Thanks! I'm very glad I'm not associated with those "crappy authors"... although... my old fics are pretty crappy... -gulp- lol, but thank you. I'm glad you like this fic.

**Arielle: **Yay!! -hugs- I'm actually talking to you as I write this... haha... I'm glad you like it! It kind of means a lot to me when a personal friend likes one of my fanfics... because... I normally don't let friends read them... -koff- But I'm glad it's "captured your interest."

**Danyu: **Why, thank you! I am definitely trying to stay strong... for me and for all you readers!!

**Destiny825: **Oh wow... cancer... that must be really tough. Even tougher than my "situation." I hope you feel much better, as well. And thank you--I'm so glad my writing is "quality!" I've worked so hard...

**anime lover: **lol, thank you. I hope you liked this chapter.


	4. Chapter IV: Discovery of Truth

Author's Note: Wow, I got like... two reviews last time... and nothing from Esse! Well, for those of you who have me on your author's alert list, you probably didn't get an alert when I took down my author's note and posted my third chapter. So... if you're reading this now and haven't read chapter III, go back and read it! -smile-

Anyways, thanks for being so patient, guys! I really appreciate it. I have midterms this week... for Biology and English... and I. Am. Going. To. Fail. -dies- Plus, we're moving... so... there is no time. At all. -sigh-

So, here's the fourth chapter! I hope all ya'lls aren't disappointed in me.

---

Disclaimer: I do not own... the... um... -passes out from fatigue-

-see last disclaimer-

---

Chapter IV: Discovery of Truth

---

Clementine opened her eyes--slowly, and with much deliberation. Complete and utter darkness met her gaze. She waved her hand in front of her face a few times, and couldn't even catch a glimpse of it. _"Wow... it's really, really, REALLY dark... but... why is it so dark? Hmm... it's my first night here, so maybe it just gets really dark here... maybe..."_

Slowly, the events of the day came rushing back to her. Shuddering, she pulled the blanket over her chin and squeezed her eyes shut. _"It was probably just my imagination... my nerves are out-of-whack, and I can't really trust myself right now... ugh, I'm such a pessimist!"_

Just as Clem closed her eyes to return to her slumber, a bright light shone throughout the room, and a deep voice seemed to shake the walls with its strength.

_**"PAASA!"**_

Clementine's eyes widened, then shut tightly as the light grew brighter. When she opened the again, she was in the room that had been given to her at the branch. She looked around hurriedly--confused. "Wha...?"

Leaning back against her pillow, she let out a deep breath. "Just a dream... it was just a dream..."

The strange dreams were starting to worry her. _"I've had weird dreams before... but... ever since I met Frey, no dream has been normal. Not that I've dreamt very much since I met him... but still... it's just... not like me. At all. Something doesn't feel right, but I can't place my finger on it!"_

She swung her legs over the side of the bed and stretched. _"A walk will do me good. I HAVE to convince myself that I'm just being paranoid... and nothing is wrong..."_

As she left her room and sauntered down the long hallway, all that met her ears was an eerie silence. No sound was uttered, no noise made--complete stillness reigned. The silence was strange, considering the branch had been considerably noisy the day before.

"_Maybe... maybe they've gone somewhere...? After I passed out yesterday, they probably didn't want to disturb me."_

Despite her attempts to be optimistic, goosebumps covered Clementine's skin and her heart was racing. She hated to be alone, and being alone in a foreign country was not her idea of "fun."

She pushed open the door to the kitchen. No one was there. No meal was made--no meal was even laid out. In fact, there was no evidence that anyone had even been in there that day. Clem started shaking at the thought. _"What happened? Did they leave? Did... did something bad happen? How long have I been out???"_

Room after room was empty. No signs of activity could be seen. The branch's inhabitants had numerous possessions that were neatly placed and tucked away, but it seemed as if no one had so much as touched anything that day. All the doors were open... save for one. Clementine reached for the handle to the door, but quickly drew back her hand. _"I don't know whose room that is... and I don't really want to find out right now..."_

After a while of looking around, she leaned against the wall in defeat. "Maybe some fresh air will be beneficial... I think I just need to get out of here..."

Deciding that a walk wouldn't hurt, she slowly made her way to the front room--the only room she hadn't checked yet. As she turned the corner to reach the entranceway, she stopped short--eyes going wide and hand flying to her mouth. _"...oh... oh my god..."_

The bodies of the branch's Lotis Masters were sprawled out--their tattered bodies covered with blood took up most of the floor. Clementine stared in horror and disbelief. She was speechless, and even thoughtless for once. Slumping against the wall, she slid to the floor--hazel eyes still wide.

She was so caught up in shock that she didn't notice a man--dressed in black--come up behind her. He smirked--obviously amused. **_"Wonderful."_**

Jumping in fear and surprise, Clementine twisted around to see the man. She only caught a glimpse of him before she was slammed against the wall--knocking the wind out of her.

"_**Paya."**_

The ground started to crumble underneath Clementine, and it soon gave way. She fell into a bottomless black pit--screaming as loud as she could. The man stood at the top of the pit, smirking.

"_**Farewell, Miss Clementine."**_

**---**

With a blood-curdling scream, Clementine jolted awake. Her pulse was racing, and her eyes were dilated.

"...Clementine...?"

Still wild with fear, Clem jumped away when she heard Frey's voice.

"Clementine, are you alright? What happened?" Frey was obviously worried. He extended his hand to place it on her shoulder--in an attempt to calm her down--but she started crying hysterically.

After a while of crying (during which Frey had no idea what to do), Clementine calmed down some. A few tears streamed down her cheeks as she stared at her hands--her eyes slightly glazed over. "All of it... all of it was a dream..." she murmured.

"What was a dream?"

Clem jumped once again--she had forgotten that Frey was there. "Oh... Frey..." She blushed in embarrassment. "I... I'm sorry! It's... nothing... really... I was just having nightmares... I suppose it's just, you know... uneasiness from being in a new environment, or something..." Not convinced of that herself, she had a hard time forcing an embarrassed smile.

Frey frowned--not quite convinced either. "Is that why you passed out yesterday...?"

"Um... yes... I was just nervous... I'm not good at adapting to new places..." _"I'm such a liar... he's not going to buy this..."_

Frey didn't buy it, but he was too worried about Clementine's well-being to push her any further. "Alright, if you say so." Clementine blinked as he leaned back in his chair. "You know, you had us pretty scared yesterday. You went missing... and who would've thought that Eric would find you lying in a field? You were white as a sheet--almost as if you had seen a ghost, or something."

"_A ghost...? I wish I knew..." _"Oh, it was nothing like that!" She chuckled thinly. "I'm just a girl of many worries, and sometimes I can't calm down my mind..."

"Indeed you seem to be!" Eric chuckled as he entered the room. "And how are you doing now, Miss Clementine?"

"...oh... I'm... I'm doing better..."

"Good. Then, I suppose, I shall leave you to your recovery." Smiling at Frey, he added, "Take good care of her. We wouldn't want any calamity to come to one of so much potential."

"_Potential...? What is he talking about?"_

"Of course, Eric."

Clementine sighed in relief as Eric left. There was something about him that made her uneasy, but she couldn't figure out what it was. _"Maybe... it's his hair? Or something?" _She shook her head at herself. _"Yeah... right... 'his hair'... I'm such an idiot."_

"Well, it's about time for supper. You feel up to eating something?"

"_Food..." _Clem looked down as her stomach started loudly protesting its lack of nutrition. Frey laughed heartily.

"I suppose that would be a yes."

Clementine blushed. "Um... yes... food would be nice..."

---

Night had fallen, and Clem was doing everything but sleeping. Her mind was too busy--her imagination too active. Her dreams were eating away at her, and she felt extremely uneasy. _"I don't know what's wrong with me... I'm letting my imagination get to me, and it's not doing any good... but... I can't shake the feeling that something is very wrong."_

Everyone had gone to bed, but sleep kept evading Clementine. With all the things on her mind, sleep was virtually impossible. So, instead of sleeping, she wandered around the building.

"No rest for the weary, eh?"

Scared to death, Clem jumped and squeaked in surprise. She was met by Frey's amused chuckling. Fuming, she stomped her foot. "You... idiot! What, do you get a kick out of scaring me, or something?"

Frey winked, grinning. "Quite frankly, yes."

Clem twitched. "Well, that's nice to know..."

Shaking his head, Frey sauntered over to a couch. He tiredly slumped down on it, resting his head against the back-board. "So, what are you doing up? It's really late, you know."

"I'm not a child, you know," Clementine retorted.

"Touché." Grinning, he cocked his head slightly. "Why so touchy?"

Clementine sighed and put a hand to her forehead. "Sorry... I don't mean to be so rude... it's just... like I said, I'm having some problems adjusting." Quickly switching into rant-mode, she went on. "I mean, it's really weird here. I'm used to America... the city... the noise... the civilization! Out here... there's nothing but grass, water, and this building. This building creeps me out, anyways. It's not exactly the people who creep me out... it's more... the atmosphere. It's just weird. But, then again, I've lived in the city my whole life... so... I don't know what it's like out here..." Clem trailed off as she noticed that Frey wasn't even listening. In fact, he was completely focused on her upper regions. Disgusted, she smacked him in the head, hard--blushing all the while. "You pervert!"

He smiled up at her innocently. "Now, now, Miss Clementine--did I really deserve that?"

"YES!"

"Well, by-the-by, you have matured quite nicely."

Turning an even deeper shade of red, Clementine just stared at him--speechless. "Why you..."

"Come now, I heard everything you said!" Frey cut her off with a wave of his hand. "And I completely understand." He became serious again. "I know that things are a little... strange. But, with time, you will adapt. I did, and I know you can too. Just give it some time."

"_Is this guy... for real??? Seriously... he's schizophrenic, or something..."_

Frey patted the cushion next to him. "C'mon, sit down. You're pale, and you look utterly exhausted."

Clem eyed him warily. "You're not going to 'try' anything, are you?"

Chuckling, he shook his head. "Promise."

Edging closer to the couch--eyes still locked on Frey--Clementine slowly sat. The couch was small, so she was forced to sit close to him. Thankfully, he wasn't lying when he said he wouldn't try anything, and Clementine gradually became more comfortable as they talked.

"_It's nice... actually... having someone to talk to... who doesn't care who you are... or what you've done... who doesn't even ask... and I'm not alone in the dark right now, so my mind is somewhat at ease..."_

As the hour wore on, she became more and more tired. Her eyelids began to droop, and soon she closed them and fell into a deep--and, for once, dreamless--sleep, leaning against Frey's shoulder. He blinked, then smiled softly.

"Goodnight."

---

Author's Note: Om... yeah... I know that chapter seemed pretty pointless... I actually just threw it together really quickly. Yeah, I'm pretty much dying of fatigue here. It's almost midnight. But, I am slaving away for you guys!! Okay, so not really. I really, really needed to write another chapter. But I'm suffering from Writers-Block right now... 'tis not cool!! Don't worry, guys--I'll try my hardest not to fail you. I'm working on a plot twist, so even though this chapter seems pointless, it serves it's purpose for now!!

'Till next chapter!!

Review Responses:

**Animepanda2008: **Thanks so much! I work very hard to keep my characters "real," and I hope I'm doing a good job!!

**RedCrow1120: **Thanks for the review. -smile- I'm actually doing pretty well right now. Besides all the stress of moving... and school... gosh, who would've guessed that 9th grade could be so hard? Heh, that's what I get for taking classes at an online college prep school... -grumble, koff- Anyways, if you read some of my old fics, you will know why I would be on the "crappy authors list." Gosh, they're so embarrassing! But... I can't delete them... they're a part of me... -sniff-

**Arielle: **lol, sorry, I kept you hanging for a while... I hope this chapter's as good as the last. I really do... and, you know, if I ever start writing badly, I'm counting on you to give me a good whack over the head. -wink-


	5. Chapter V: Visions of Destruction

Author's Note: Well, I'm back! Yeah, so... I was a _little _too worried about my midterms... -sweatdrop- I managed a 95 on both of them. On my Biology midterm, almost all the questions I missed were about the different stages of meiosis... -wince- Seriously, I don't even care about meiosis. As for English, I messed up a little on the sentence diagramming... which is weird for me... but, oh well! I still kept a good grade.

So, we're moving right now. **Actually **moving. Today is the day that we bring all the furniture over. I'm at the new house right now with one of my brothers (he's reading Shonen Jump, and I am—obviously—writing!).

Since we're moving, I had to box up ALL of my manga and move it to the new house. I didn't have it for a few weeks. It was horrible! But now, since we're mostly moved in, I have them again! I went through a huge case of writers-block (that's why I didn't start writing sooner), where my mind was just completely devoid of ideas and I had no motivation to write. 'Twas really sad! But, last night, I read a few volumes of Alice 19th, and—just as 'dana' refreshes the thirsty—it caused my inspiration to spring anew!

-koff- Yeah. I really didn't realize how much I missed my manga. -sweatdrop-

I know this is an awfully long author's note, but bear with me here. After reading RedCrow1120's review, I feel that an explanation is in order. I should have done this before, but... -wince-

Anyways, this story is supposed to happen about a year before Frey finds Alice and Kyo. Since this is the case, I'm obviously going to have to change a few things... but... not a whole lot. As for Clementine and Frey's relationship, you probably won't see them get "serious" for a while. For the moment, I'm planning on this story to end when the manga ends—but, of course, with Frey instead of Alice. And maybe have a sequel... maybe. -shrug- That's the plan for the moment—but it is subject to change. I can never make up my mind... -sigh-

As for the plot twist, and Eric, well... that's for me to know, and for you to find out. -wink-

Now, on with the story!

-

Disclaimer: I do not—in any way, shape, or form—own any characters, circumstances, or words associated with Yu Watase's manga _Alice 19th. _I wish I did, but that's another story-koff- However, I do own any characters, circumstances, and words used in this story that are _not _associated with Yu Watase's manga _Alice 19th. _So there.

-

Chapter V: Visions of Destruction

-

_There was a car coming. The headlights were visible around the bend. It was speeding down the street. The sky was black_—_pitch black. Nothing was visible._

_There was the other car parked in the street-a black car with no lights on._

_There was the crash. There was the scream._

_There was the field._

-

With a sharp intake of breath, Clementine sprang upright in her bed. In the panic of the moment, asthma seized her lungs. Gasping for breath, she managed to squeak out a barely audible "Jiva." Her lungs expanded and she leaned over—taking in ragged, yet undisturbed, breaths.

It had been four months since she had joined the Lotsunan League of Sacred Guides. Although the building still scared her—and she refused to go out to the bridge in the field—Frey was a constant encouragement, and she found life at the branch bearable. Much to the surprise of her superiors, she mastered "jiva," "ruta," and "jeta" with relative ease. "Oh, it's just my desperation to cure this accursed illness that I have," she would say with a little laugh.

It was the truth, however. Ever since she had become sick, she said she would do anything—_anything_—if she could only get better. Since she had learned "jiva," her body had begun to heal. But no matter how many times she chanted it or how many times she wished for health, her body never fully healed. She dismissed it, saying that her body was simply too destroyed for anything to heal her so quickly—her body would heal in time. However, she had heard a passing comment that the Mara in her body might simply be too strong for a simple Lotis work to conquer. The comment sent a shiver through her body and a tremor through her soul, and no matter how much she tried to ignore it, the thought always lingered at the back of her mind.

She couldn't merely dismiss the thought. She told herself that it was only paranoia that made her think of it, but the dream... she had dreamt the same dream every day that week. The car, the street, the field... she couldn't dismiss it from her mind.

"_Why...? Why do I need to be thinking of... of that... why do I need to think of that now?"_

Clem squeezed her eyes shut as a tear slowly found its way down her cheek. She was lonely, and she knew it. No matter how much she tried to convince herself that she didn't need people, she always knew that she did. Frey was always there for her, but... everyone else was strangely cold. Or maybe they just _seemed _cold.

"_They have this look in their eyes... whenever they look at me. It's as if they know something about me..." _She shuddered at the thought. _"I'm just being paranoid_—_that's it. I need to stop this."_

Pulling the covers over her head, she attempted to fight off her demons until the sun came up. The task proved hard, and she didn't fall asleep until the early morning.

-

"GOOOOD MORNING!"

"Aaaahhh!" Clementine shrieked and sprang out of bed. Frey was standing over her with a smug grin.

"It's late! What are you still doing in bed? I even made jam!"

Clem stared up at him—simply too tired to be angry. "Frey... you always make jam..." she managed to grind out—not without a yawn.

"Yes, but today it's _strawberry_ jam."

With a groan, Clementine rolled over and pulled the covers over her head again.

He had noticed that she had large black circles under her eyes—she had for the last few days. She tried to disguise it by acting cheery, but he knew something was wrong. Sitting on the edge of her bed, he frowned in concern.

"Hey, Clem-what's wrong? You seem entirely worn out."

Clementine didn't talk—she merely kept the blanket wrapped tightly around herself as her eyes began to tear up. She was worn out, and was about ready to cry out of pure fatigue. "I-I'm just tired..."

"Yeah, right..." He sounded incredulous.

With a sigh and a sniff, Clem sat up. "I'm alright, Frey—really." She managed a thin smile. "I'm just really, really tired. I don't sleep well."

Frey hesitated, and then he pulled her into a tight hug. She blinked and stiffened—not used to being touched, and not really liking it either. But this was Frey... and he was trying to comfort her when she needed it the most. Slowly and hesitantly, she relaxed in his embrace. Much to her dismay, the tears that had built up over the last few days started flowing and, and she couldn't control her sobs.

Frey blinked—he hadn't expected her to start crying. He had never seen her cry before.

"I'm... I'm sorry..." she sobbed. "You don't need this... right now..." She attempted to pull away—embarrassed—but he didn't let her.

"Hey, it's alright. Just let it out, okay? You're not going to be able to get anything done if you keep holding this in."

The tears started to pour out more readily, and she buried her face in his shoulder as she let the pent-up emotions out. He just held her as she cried—not saying anything, but just being there. That was really all she needed.

"I... I'm okay now." She looked up at him with a small smile. "Thanks, Frey—but you really didn't need to. I'm just tired... and... I get emotional when I'm tired. I'll be alright—really."

He nodded—still not convinced, however—and loosened his arms, letting them fall to his sides again. He was still concerned, but he knew that it would do no good to push her any farther. "You want to come down for breakfast now?"

"Sure, I'm starved!" Her mask was back on, showing no glimpse of the vulnerability she had shown before. "I'm sure there will be plenty of jam, ne?" She grinned at him.

"Huh? Oh, yes, of course!" He laughed nervously. "Plenty of jam."

Something was wrong, and he knew it. The only thing he couldn't figure out was what. And she wasn't going to tell him any time soon.

-

The days passed by, and the next week crept on. The dreams came less often, and Clementine was able to get more sleep. Frey still watched her closely—with concern—and she was beginning to feel rather nervous around him. _"It's almost as if he can see through me... I just can't act 'alright' around him..."_

"Ah!" With a grunt of frustration, she steadied herself. "Stupid cloak! Always getting caught on things..." Fumbling with the large cloak all the members of the branch were required to wear during training was extremely frustrating for her. She gathered the large frock closer around her as she continued down to walk down the hall.

"Clementine!"

She jumped sky-high in surprise—barely suppressing a squeak. Flustered, she turned to see Eric standing in a doorway, smiling.

"I apologize—I didn't mean to scare you."

Chuckling nervously, she shrugged it off. "Oh, it's alright."

Eric stood aside and motioned for her to come. "Please come inside—I have something to talk to you about."

For some reason, Eric made Clem nervous. She stepped forward hesitantly and walked into the room—almost afraid to take her eyes off of him. _"...why do I feel so nervous...?"_

"Please—take a seat."

Clementine sat—eyes inadvertently scanning the room. It seemed normal enough... _"Why does it feel like my heart is slowly sinking?"_

"Miss Clementine, I would like to speak to you about your progression as a Lotis Master. I'm sure that the others have told you that it is quite amazing to have learned three Lotis words in four months—in addition to 'buimuku,' which you had learned before."

Clem shifted uncomfortably. "Yes, well... they also said that I had probably known the words all along, and I just had to manifest them... really, it makes sense with what... what I've been through... they said that, from now on, I'll have a much harder time learning."

Eric smiled a supposedly cheery smile—although Clem read it as rather enigmatic. "Well, yes—that is one way to look at it. But you could keep this up, you know. With a little extra training, that is."

"Extra training?"

"Yes—extra training. You are here to be trained as a Lotis Master, are you not?" He was still smiling, but there was a glint in his eye... something that Clementine couldn't exactly read. "You are. That is why I think you should really consider training harder. You could become really exceptional, you know."

"_Where is he going with this...?"_

"I would be most willing to train you myself. You know, I have trained Frey, as well. He is quite an exceptional boy, himself..." Was that jealousy that shone in his eyes?

"I-I... um..." Clem bit her lip—unsure of what to do.

Eric stood and walked in front of her. "Don't worry too much about it right now. Think it over." He smiled. "Sleep on it."

Clem stared up at him for a moment, then quickly nodded her head and stood. "I... I will."

She was showed out of the room, and she couldn't get out of there fast enough. Once she was a safe distance down the hall, she leaned against the wall—shuddering. Closing her eyes, she tried to calm her nerves. _"This is silly... he's just a man. A man who's trying to help me, no less. I shouldn't be so afraid_—_I really shouldn't."_ She let out a deep breath. _"What am I going to do...?"_

-

"So, did Eric ask you about having some extra training?"

Blinking, Clementine looked up at Frey. It was nearing midnight, and they both had kitchen duty—along with a few others. "Oh, um, yes... he did."

"You're going to do it, right?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Why so interested?"

Frey grinned. "Well, you know, I just love women who are well-developed _and _accomplished."

Rolling her eyes, Clementine couldn't help but chuckle.

"See?—at least I can still make you laugh." He leaned against the counter, directing his piercing stare towards her.

Blushing out of sudden nervousness, Clem continued to put the dishes away. "Yes, well... um... you always have been able to..." The dishes clattered as her hands shook, and she barely kept the plates from falling to the floor.

"Hey..." Frey grabbed one of her hands and spun her around. She was trembling slightly, and her eyes were glassy. He stared at her for a moment. "...what's got you so worked up? Are you nervous about training?"

"I..." _"Of course I'm not nervous about training... but... he can think that, if he wants..."_ "It's just that... well... I'm a little nervous about training with Eric... I mean, I've never had such individual training before, and... I just don't want to screw anything up..."

Frey chuckled. "Hey, listen—you're not going to screw anything up, okay?" Putting a hand under her chin, he lifted her head so that her eyes met his. "You're going to do great. Eric's a big help. He trained me, too—so I know what I'm talking about."

Diverting her eyes, she bit her lip and then nodded. "Okay. I'll do it, then... if you're so sure about it..."

"I am, I am! Don't be so nervous!"

Clementine nodded slowly. _"Don't be so nervous..."_

-

It was the first day of training with Eric, and Clem was less than confident of her decision. _"What if there is something going on that I don't know about...? What if... what if I'm nervous for a perfectly valid reason? ...but, then... what if I'm not? What if I'm just being paranoid yet again? It's probably just that... I need to calm down..."_

She slipped on the robe—with much deliberation—and started down the hall. She knew what room she was supposed to be in, and she knew how to get there, but she just couldn't drag it out long enough. She pushed open the door and walked in, but no one was there. "...hello? Anyone here?"

No one answered. _"Hmm... maybe Eric is running late..."_

Her legs began to tremble, so she sat down in a short wooden chair—waiting for Eric to show up. Ten minutes rolled by, and he still wasn't there. _"I just have to be patient... be patient..."_

From inside the room, she couldn't hear the sounds of people milling around the branch, and she couldn't hear the sounds of outside, either. Standing up, she walked over to the window. _"I might as well open it for some fresh air..."_

She opened the window and stuck her head out—breathing in the crisp morning air. When she opened her eyes again, it wasn't the green of the field and the blue of the sky that greeted her gaze. She saw the inside of a tall building, and she saw six figures standing there. No, there were seven figures... one happened to be floating above the ground. They were standing in front of a large, hideous fiend with long sharp teeth. She gasped, but she couldn't tear herself away from the scene.

Leaning closer, Clementine could see the people better. There was a girl with short, brown hair... there was a tall boy with black hair... a Chinese girl, from the looks of it... a black man... _"A floating bunny?" _And there was...

"_Frey!"_

With horror, Clementine watched as the fiend opened its sickening mouth to shout the words **_"Total destruction."_**

Fingers of darkness shot out at the people standing there. Blood sprang forth from their ripped flesh, and four of the figures fell. One of them was Frey. After a few moments of talking, he ceased to move.

She backed away from the window—eyes wide and trembling. "No..."

There was suddenly someone behind her. **_"You have seen the destruction to come. There is no escaping it."_**

Jumping in fright, she spun around.

"_**Niru!"**_

Clementine fell to the floor—unconscious and seemingly frozen in time.

Grinning, the figure kneeled next to her—pressing his fingers against her neck. He chanted the word **_"Shini."_ **As he left the room, a black letter was engraved on her flesh. It slowly faded from sight.

"_**There is no escaping it."**_

-

Author's Note: Wow. I'm actually semi-pleased with that chapter... -hmm- It turned out a lot longer than I had expected! Yeah-it took a few days. We're actually mostly moved in now. -grin- Hope you enjoyed!

Oh, I just realized that I didn't give a description of the runes! So, to find the index that I use, go to and search for "Casting the Runes," then click on the first link that comes up. I would type up the link, but... 'twon't let me. -sigh-

Review Responses:

**Esse: **Aw, don't be sorry! 'Tis alright! I was just surprised—you're normally the first one to review-smile- Yes, I'm definitely trying to keep Clementine real by asking myself "what would I do in this situation?" Of course, I have to change a few things, but I could see Clementine as a real person! And mid-terms are the pits. -grimace-

**Helbaworshipper:** Thanks much! I was afraid that the nightmares were a little cheesy... -sweatdrop- But I'm glad you don't think so!

**Mimi-san: **Hee, thanks... I never liked Eric. -shakes head vehemently- Well, I was going to have Alice and Kyou play a central role... but... as the story progressed, I decided that it just wouldn't fit in with the story, y'know? They will probably show up, but they won't be central. This is more about Clementine and Frey. But!—I am hoping to write a whole series of _Alice 19th_ fics—one about Alice and Kyou after the final battle, and one about Chris after the final battle. I read through the manga again, and I just absolutely fell in love with Chris. -chuckle- But this story will have to be finished first!

**Arielle: **Yay, I'm glad you liked it! Hehe, yeah... it's pretty fun to write a self-insert. Although it gets hard sometimes. "Hmm, what would I do if I was suddenly faced by a dead person—laying in a freezing river that just turned to blood—who was talking to me?" Har-not an easy question to answer. -grin-

**June Antilles: **Thanks. -smile- I'm going to have to drag you over to my house again so you can read the rest.

**RedCrow1120: **Hee, yeah, about the whole Clem/Frey thing... I think I covered that up there. I won't say much about the plot twist, but... get ready to feel very bad for Frey. -wink- Yeah, Algebra II is the PITS. I hate algebra. I'm finishing it up this year so I can take Pre-Calculus next year. That's going to be... interesting... As for Eric... you will see, you will see. -enigmatic smile-


	6. Chapter VI: Calm Before the Storm

Author's Note: Well, I'm back.-smile- I've been having a really tough time lately... my health has been backsliding... it's really no fun a'tall. -sigh- But, anyways, I'll get over it—I always do...

I'm sorry about the faulty punctuation on the last chapter. -grimace- Somehow, Microsoft Word got messed up, and it turned all the em-dashes into en-dashes when I uploaded it to the site.-si-igh- I fixed it, though. Sorry to anyone who had to read it like that!

Now, on with the story!

-

Disclaimer: I do not own _Alice 19th_. A'tall. No matter how much I wish I did, I don't. Doesn't life suck?

-

Chapter VI: Calm Before the Storm

-

"Clementine...? Clementine! Wake up!"

"_My neck... it... hurts... all of me hurts..."_

"Wake up!"

Feeling someone shaking her, Clementine groaned and put a hand to her head.

"Clementine?"

"What's... um..." With another groan, she sat up and slowly blinked her eyes open. "...what happened...?"

Eric looked at her—worry showing in his eyes. "I don't know... are you alright?"

"I... everything's fuzzy..." Clementine frowned. She couldn't remember what happened, but there was this irreplaceable sense of dread rising in her heart.

"Are you sure?" Eric was staring at her piercingly. "If someone attacked you, I need to know."

"I don't think anyone attacked me... I..." Wincing, Clem grabbed the side of her neck. "Maybe... my neck hurts so badly... I probably fell on it..."

Standing, Eric held his hand out for her. "Come on. I don't think we should be training today. You need to be checked by a doctor."

Clementine nodded and hesitantly placed her hand in his. As soon as her hand touched his, the image of destruction she had seen at the window quickly flashed across her mind—not long enough for her to really remember, but long enough to make an impression. She gasped and hastily moved away from Eric.

"...Clementine? What is it?"

"Stay... just stay away from me!" Her eyes were wide, and she gathered her cloak closer around her shivering frame.

Eric looked alarmed. "Clementine... I don't know what's wrong, but... why don't you let me help?"

Clementine shrunk even farther away from him as he reached out a hand towards her. "No..." Tears sprang to her eyes. "Just stay away!"

Without a word, Eric stood and left the room. As soon as he had left, Clem buried her face in her frock and sobbed violently—her sobs shaking her whole body. She didn't remember what she had seen at the window, but it had left such a deep impression of dread that she could not merely shake it off.

After a few minutes, Frey walked into the room—looking quite worried. "Clem?" Eyes widening, he knelt down next to her. "...Clem, what happened? What's wrong?"

Clementine didn't respond; she threw her arms around his waist, gripping him tightly and sobbing into his cloak. "Frey..." She felt like she had to hold on to him and never let go, but she didn't know why.

"Clementine... you need to tell me what's wrong..." He placed his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her away so he could see her face.

She just stared at him—tears running down her face, and hazel eyes slightly glazed over. "Frey... I... I don't know..." Her voice became raspy and tear-filled. "I don't know what's wrong with me..."

Hesitantly, he reached up and wiped her tears away. Resting his hand on her cheek, he lifted her head and caused her to look at him. "Hey... why do you keep thinking that you have to deal with this on your own? I don't know what you're going through... but I can help. That's what I'm here for."

Clementine wanted to feel safe. She wanted to let Frey take care of her, and she wanted to be able to let go. She knew that she felt _something_ for Frey—but while she generally felt warm and safe around him, she felt strangely cold and indifferent. Her tears stopped flowing, and she slid a little farther away from him. "Thank you, Frey—but I'm fine."

He blinked and stared at her for a moment. Her eyes had suddenly turned to stone, and he couldn't read her at all. This wasn't like her, and he knew it. "Clem, what happened to you? You're not yourself."

In a spurt of sarcasm, Clementine looked down at her hands. "I'm not? I sure seem like myself, don't you think?" After the words were out of her mouth, she winced at their sharpness. She didn't want to say that... she didn't even mean to say that... she just... did.

Frey wasn't used to being on the receiving end of her sharp sarcasm. He was slightly shocked at the way she was acting, and didn't quite know how to respond.

Ashamed of herself, Clem quickly stood. "I have to... go. Bye..." She took off—running out of the room as fast as she possibly could.

"_Why... why am I acting like that? What happened? What's wrong with me! Frey tried to comfort me, and I treated him like dirt. I didn't want to... but why did I...? I felt... I felt like I had to hold on... yet I felt like I had to push him away..."_

She rushed to her room and slammed the door behind her. Shivering, she leaned against the wall and sank to the floor. _"...what am I doing here...?"_

Her eyes were diverted to the floor. She didn't want to see... she didn't want to know. The shadows crept in every corner and niche of the room, but she didn't care. She felt at-one with the darkness, and it had no chilling effect as it would on those pure of heart. Those who dwell in the darkness eventually become part of it—there are no survivors. Darkness is in every heart; there are those who are not strong enough to fight it, yet are not courageous enough to accept it.

A pair of bright amber eyes peered out of the shadows. Clementine was slumped against the wall—pallid and seemingly lifeless. **_"Welcome to the darkness..."_** the voice hissed, not discouraged by the fact that its voice never reached Clementine's ears. **_"Welcome to despair."_**

The black letter began to glow on her neck. Her soul was slowly being eaten away, but she couldn't feel it. She was numb—her entire body would not feel. To her, the world wasn't real at that moment. There was nothing. There was no one. The world was emptiness incarnate, and life was pain. _"There's nowhere to run—nothing to do. This is me... this is what I have become."_

The figure smirked. **_"This is what you always were, my dear... and this is what you always will be..."_**

Her head sank further and her eyelids drooped. There is no clarity like that which is found between sleeping and waking—between consciousness and unconsciousness—between living and dying. There is no truth like that which is found in the Inner Heart. There is no pain like realizing that you are your own worst enemy. There is no hope.

Clementine dwindled in-between this state of semi-consciousness for a moment. Not long enough to be completely consumed by the Mara in her heart, but long enough for it to leave a lasting impression in her soul. She saw herself the way she really was—the way she had seen herself in the river. That was _her_.

Before she was able to completely give into her despair, someone entered the room and chanted the words "Na sadaru Lotis ran."

Clementine's eyes widened as there was a bright flash of light, and then she slumped over—unconscious.

The figure in the shadows snarled. **_"Fool..."_** With a look of extreme disgust, it melted back into the darkness.

-

Standing, Frey took a look around. "So... this is her Inner Heart..."

A large, green field surrounded him. No trees, water, or even flowers could be seen—just a vast field of grass. As he watched, the grass slowly began to wither—becoming brown and crunching under his feet. The sky was yellow, and there were no sounds of life anywhere. Whispers floated through the air and thunder started rolling overhead.

Frey's jaw involuntarily clenched. "Maram..."

He strained his ears to hear what the whispering voices were saying as he ran through the field of dead grass. The thunder drowned out their words of darkness, but—suddenly—one voice rang out above them all.

"_**I wanted him to die..."**_

Blinking, Frey whirled around. A large oak tree was visible in the middle of the field, and Clementine—who seemed a bit younger than she really was—was standing beneath it.

"Clementine!"

She turned to him—eyes flashing as her rage seemed to personify. **_"Get out."_**

"Clementine... listen to me... you have to snap out of this!"

Clementine laughed morbidly. **_"How can one quit being who they really are? No matter how much you try to deny it, there is darkness in every heart... and that darkness will never disappear."_**

"Listen to yourself! You've been at our branch! You've trained in the Lotis... you've seen—"

"_**I've seen what I've always known, Frey. I am of no use to you, or anyone else. I am me... and you don't want to know who I really am."**_

Frey didn't know what to say or do. He could see the pain in her eyes, and he knew that she was doing what she felt she had to. "Clem... what did you do...?"

Squeezing her eyes shut, she turned from him and bowed her head. **_"I can't tell you... just... leave now."_**

Frey never took no for an answer. "PAASA!"

Clementine's eyes widened, and she whirled around. Scenes of _that_ night were playing out before their eyes... **_"No... NIRU!"_**

The scenes stopped—as did the thunderstorm. Clementine angrily approached Frey. **_"I told you to leave... and you insist on torturing me!"_**

"Clementine... please... you have to wake up...!" Frey knew that this "Clementine" wasn't really Clementine herself... this was the Mara in her heart manifesting itself in its own unique way.

"**_No... there is no 'waking up'... this is it!"_** She let out a dry laugh. **_"Now, get out... now!"_**

"Listen to me!"

"_**VINA!"**_

-

Wincing, Frey reeled back. He was back in the room, with Clementine across from him. She had a pained look on her face and a confused glaze in her eyes.

"...Frey...?" Her voice was a delicate, scared whisper. She hesitantly fixed her eyes on him. "...what did you see?"

He stared at her for a moment, then slowly shook his head. "...nothing... I saw nothing..."

Tears sprang to her eyes. "I-I'm so sorry... I don't know what came over me... I... I'm scared, Frey..." She choked out the words—almost as if it was killing her to admit it.

"Clementine..." He lifted her head and forced her eyes to meet his. "What are you afraid of?"

There was a long pause. Clementine diverted her eyes to the floor, then hesitantly met his again.

"Myself."

-

Clementine shivered as she lay in bed. She gathered the blankets closer around her. _"Night is the worst part of the day..."_

To her, night was day and day was night. All of time seemed swallowed in darkness. It had been two months since the incident in her Inner Heart, and—although she felt safer, not having to train with Eric anymore—her heart continually felt like it was sinking to her feet. There was an emptiness inside of her that she couldn't explain.

As the night wore on, she fought harder and harder to keep her eyelids from closing. She wouldn't let herself sleep. With sleep came the nightmares... the memories of what she had seen that day at the window. Yes, she remembered what she had seen, and she had to fight to forget.

Night was also the time when the thoughts of _that_ night started to arise. She had tried so hard to forget what she had done... but, deep down, she knew that it was engraved in her memory for all eternity. Night was when the voices came.

"_**I wanted him to die..."**_

Outside, a pack of wolves began howling out the moon—causing Clementine to jump in fright. The moon cast an eerie glow on the walls of her room, and she slowly felt a sense of panic rising in her heart. It was times like these when she wished she could sleep in peace.

After a while, she couldn't bear being alone in the dark anymore. She slipped into her large robe and stepped out of her room. Walking down the hall, she finally reached Frey's room—where she stopped. She hesitantly reached for the doorknob—drawing her hand back a few times before she finally mustered up the courage to open it.

Frey was sitting at his window seat—staring out into the night. He turned when he heard Clem enter. "...Clem? Are you okay?"

"Yes... yes, I'm fine." She smiled weakly. "I... just... um..."

"The wolves getting to you?"

Biting her lip, then smiling, she nodded. "Yes... that's it... I just don't like to be alone at night... when I can't sleep... and there are noises..." Looking a little embarrassed, she added, "...kinda childish, huh?"

Frey chuckled and shook his head. "No—not at all." Patting the spot next to him, he motioned for her to sit.

Clementine slowly sat across from him on the window-seat. The window-seat was small, and their legs were forced to brush against each other every now-and-then. Thankfully, Frey wasn't in one of his "trying" moods, so Clementine could rest easy.

"Clementine..." Frey looked down as she turned to look at him. "It's not really the wolves, is it?"

Diverting her gaze to her hands, she shook her head. "No..."

"Then what is it?"

She paused—then she turned to look out the window. "I told you, Frey... two months ago... I'm afraid of myself. I'm afraid of my darkness... afraid of what I could do..." Her eyes started to tear up.

"Hey..." Frey reached out and took her hand. "Listen... as long as you don't give in to the darkness, there's always hope. The Lotis is stronger than the Maram—so no matter how difficult the situation, the light will always prevail."

"Frey... then why... why couldn't you defeat my darkness...?"

Placing a hand under her chin, he lifted her head so he could see her eyes. "I couldn't do it... because you're the only one who can defeat your darkness. You're the only one who can overcome your past. I can't do it for you..." He dropped his hand and looked down. "No matter how much I wish I could..."

A tear slipped down her cheek. "Frey..." Her voice started to crack. "...why...? Why do you care about me so much...?"

Looking up, Frey stared at her for a moment—contemplating what he was going to say. "Because... I..." He swallowed hard, then slowly leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. Clementine's eyes widened—that was definitely not what she was expecting. He pulled away after a brief moment. "I think... that I love you..."

Clem was utterly speechless. "...Frey... I..."

Smiling a bit wryly—with a hint of nervousness masked beneath—Frey put a finger to her lips, silencing her. "Just... don't say anything, okay? You wouldn't want to ruin the moment, would you?"

Still speechless—but fully comforted—Clementine allowed herself to be enveloped in his warm embrace. _"I... I wish I could stay like this... forever... but... what I saw at the window..."_

It was hopeless... and she knew it. But she felt safe and warm... and she knew that she felt something for Frey, too. _"If... if I'm going to be hurt... it can be later... right now, this is what I need... and... what Frey needs, too..."_

She nestled her head in his shirt, and they both slowly drifted off to sleep—unaware and indifferent to the world around them.

Never sleeping, the darkness watched them in their bliss. **_"Enjoy this moment... it will be the last you spend together."_**

-

Author's Note: ... -grimace- Good. Gravy. That turned out _nothing_ like I had planned for it to... -si-igh- That was just... weird.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed it... I enjoyed writing it, although... it wasn't what I was planning on. -koff- I was totally not planning on having _any_ fluff in this... a'tall... but... oh well. -smile- As long as you guys like it, I'm happy! So... I hope you like it...-sweatdrop-

Review Responses:

**Helbaworshipper: **Thanks much-big smile- Hope you liked this chapter... kinda dark... yet... fluffy. -koff-

**Esse: **Hehe, thanks! Yeah... this chapter doesn't really have any comical relief... but... it got fluffy! Somehow... anyways, the dark symbol... hee, you shall find out in time. -wink- Haha, that wasn't really a quick update... but... okay! This one was quicker... it was really hard to write, though!

**Tanlaith: **Thank you! Well, you could always e-mail me—I'm always willing to help anyone with their stories! My e-mail address is on my profile—I think you just have to be signed in to see it. -smile- Oooh, you _have_ to read the last volume! It's awesome!

**Takame Kiriku: **Hehe, yeah... poor Frey. I don't really think that Alice was right for him, though... I think she's better with Kyo. But you can't help feeling sorry for Frey! Hehe, I'm glad I'm giving you ideas! I love being able to help-grin-

Kingdom... Hearts... -twitch, twitch- Aaahhhh! I LOVE KINGDOM HEARTS! I love it, love it, love it! I'm practically... obsessed... -koff- Anyways, I reviewed one of your fics! I liked it a lot.

**Arielle: **Har, yeah, that would _definitely_ be something... thanks much! Yeah... I never realized the whole "vulnerable thing" resemblance... funny how things work out like that. Hehe, "review soon?" I think you meant "update soon." -wink-


	7. Chapter VII: As the Sand Runs Out

Author's Note: Well, I'm back. Didja'll miss me? -koff- Yeah, new word. "Didja'll." I'm in a very strange mood right now, so we'll see how this chapter turns out... although, by the time I finish it, 'twill be much later... and I probably won't be in such a weird mood anymore. That could be a good thing, y'know. -grin-

I'm working now. I'm one of only two assistant coaches for our team. -beams- I feel so special! But, now that I'm working, I won't have as much free time to just randomly sit down and start writing. Sad—I know, but... I'm making money! Har.

Haha! Good news! I put Clementine through the Mary Sue Litmus Test, and she scored -6 points! -is very happy- No Mary Sues here!

Well, mateys—on with the chapter!

Note: I now have beaten my prior record of reviews! I have 34 reviews now! And there was much rejoicing! -gives reviewers cookies and hugs- I could never do this without you guys!

—

Disclaimer: If I owned _Alice 19th_, do you think that I would be writing this? Ha!

—

Chapter VII: As the Sand Runs Out

—

Clementine lingered in half-consciousness for a while. Everything was fuzzy, but she could barely make out an hourglass floating in the distance. Three other identical hourglasses appeared, and she could see the sand falling through their glass necks. ...were there people inside the hourglasses?

There was the faint sound of screaming in the distance. Clementine felt herself waking up slowly... responding to the sound of the yelling. Suddenly, a loud crashing sound split the air. One of the hourglasses had broken. With a gasp, Clem sprang upright.

She was back in her bed, and the sun was shining from behind the heavy draperies over the window. It seemed to be around the middle of the day, and Clementine was surprised that she had slept for so long. Plus, the fact that she was still extremely tired only added questions. _"...what was I doing last night...?"_

Strangely enough, she couldn't remember anything about the night before. _"I... I went to bed... and I couldn't sleep... there... there were wolves... and..." _Wincing, she held a hand to her head; she suddenly had a throbbing headache. _"...I can't remember..."_

It was unusual for Clementine to forget such recent events. _"Maybe... maybe I fell asleep and had a dream... I normally confuse dreams with reality... and I normally can't remember them... yeah, that must be what happened. I have been having a lot of weird dreams... so... it makes a lot of sense."_

Thoroughly convinced that she had merely dreamt the night before, Clem got out of bed and stretched—ready to face the day. _"I have got to work harder on mastering 'dana' today... it's so frustrating!"_

Quickly slipping into some clothes, she made her way out of the room and down the hall. Voices were coming out of a room on her left—Eric's room. One of the voices was Frey's. Simply too curious to mind her gut-feeling of hesitancy, she edged near the door and listened.

Their voices were subdued, but Clem could easily define them as Eric and Frey's. The murmurs were almost unintelligible. The only words she could make out were "leaving," "Japan," and "Neo-masters." _"...what the heck are they talking about...?"_

Suddenly—and only for a moment—the dream of the hourglasses flashed before her eyes. Her eyes widened for a moment, then looked confused. _"...huh... that was interesting... why think of that now?"_

Footsteps were heard approaching the door, and Clementine—not wanting to be caught eavesdropping—took off running down the hall and ducked behind a corner. Letting out a relieved breath, she poked her head around the corner to see if Frey and Eric were coming that way. They were, so she rounded another corner and pressed herself against the wall. She wanted to hear what they had to say. Soon, Eric's voice could be heard floating down the hall.

"So, you shall be leaving tomorrow?"

"Yes... tomorrow. I haven't been to Japan yet... who knows? The Neo-masters could be there. Japan is a land of promise."

Eric laughed lightly. "True, true. You _will_ find the Neo-masters soon enough—I'm sure of it."

"Hmm." Frey sounded distracted. "Eric... I have a request."

"Ask away."

"Could I... could I take someone with me?"

Clementine's heart leaped. _"Does he want to take me with him...? I don't want him to leave... I don't want to stay here without him... but I guess I don't really have a choice if he doesn't take me with him. Maybe I could be allowed to visit home... just until he gets back. But wait—who else would he want to take with him? I'm probably the closest person to him... besides Eric... but Eric can't go with him. And even if he could, Frey would just ask him to go—not ask him if he could take someone with him. ...who else would he take...?"_

Eric paused for a moment, then chuckled. "Of course you can."

"Thank you."

Clementine couldn't help but smile. _"He wants to take me with him... I know it. Now I won't have to be left here alone! I really don't know what I would do... without him..."_

Just as the thought crossed her mind, the image that she had seen at the window flashed before her eyes. This time, however, the vision expanded and ventured outside of the building and showed her the surroundings. Shops lined the streets, but everything was deserted. One thing was evident.

"_That's... that's Japan...!"_

The vision disappeared as quickly as it came, and Clementine realized that she had been holding her breath. Taking slow, deep breaths, she leaned back against the wall. _"Frey... he's going to Japan... and..."_ Sliding into a sitting position, she buried her head in her hands. _"Why am I believing these dreams...? Why? They can't be real... they just can't be... but, then, why do they feel so real? Why did the one with the river seem to come true? Why does everything just seem to be falling into place... like it was planned?"_

Minutes slowly ticked by and Clem continued to sit against the wall. Her heart was pumping wildly and her mind was racing. _"I... I don't believe in prophecies... and I definitely don't believe that I'm some kind of prophetess... I'm just freaking myself out! I must be... there is no logical way that my dreams could come true... there just isn't. I... I'm going to go... if Frey asks me, I'm going to go with him... just to prove that I'm fooling myself... to put my mind at ease..."_

Picking herself up from the floor, Clem slowly started down the hall. She felt a bit light-headed, and she wobbled slightly as she walked.

"Walk much?"

Stopping—but not turning around—Clementine rolled her eyes. "No, it's my first time, and I'm trying to learn on my own."

Chuckling, Frey wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. Clem stiffened a bit at the gesture. _"...what is he doing...?"_

"Hey... what's wrong, Clem? You seem... slightly upset."

"Oh... um... I'm just a little tired... headache... you know..."

"Hmm..." He sounded unconvinced. Pulling away, he gently turned her around. "I have a question to ask you."

Looking up at him, she felt as if her heart leapt and sank at the same time. _"Why does this feel so... familiar...?"_

"I'm going off to Japan tomorrow. I need to continue my search for the Neo-Masters... and Japan is next on the list... I don't know how long I'll be there, and... I was wondering if y—"

"FREY! There you are!"

Startled, Frey spun around. Clementine blinked as she watched someone run up—apparently out of breath. The man—who they could now identify as Terje—stopped and leaned against the wall to catch his breath.

"Terje..." Frey was frowning. "What's wrong?"

"Your room... on... fire..."

Eyes widening, Frey sped down the hall. Clementine followed him—although she wasn't fast enough to keep up. She could smell smoke soon enough, and she knew that she couldn't go any further; the smoke would attack her lungs. Leaning against the wall—cloak protectively placed over her mouth and nose—she listened as Frey frantically shouted "dana" in the distance. After a while, the smoke died down and she continued down the hall. Uptight voices rose up to meet her ears.

"Didn't any of you try to put it out!" Frey's voice was easily recognizable.

"Of course we tried! But, for some reason, it wouldn't go out for us! Each time we used 'dana,' the flames became larger! We figured that maybe... just maybe... it would only work for you!"

"It's true, Frey. And we were right! It worked for you. We don't know what happened exactly... but this fire couldn't have come from a natural source. We sense Mara."

"But who would've wanted to set my room on fire? What could anyone possibly gain from setting my room on fire?"

"We... don't know, Frey."

Frey swore under his breath. "Fine... I'm going to try to salvage what I can..."

Clementine watched as the two men left the room. One thing struck her as odd. _"...where's Eric? He's probably busy... but still... he normally rushes to Frey's proverbial 'rescue.'"_

Frey's room was positively... charred, for the lack of a better word. There didn't seem to be a thing that the fire didn't touch. Frey tried to remain impassive, but Clem could read the frustration and anger in his eyes. "Frey..."

He closed his eyes, let out a deep breath, and then forced a shaky smile. "It's okay, Clem... I didn't have anything of great value, anyways..."

"Yeah, but... it was your stuff... and now everything's burnt..." Biting her lip, she looked around the room. "Wow... there isn't a thing that survived..."

Frey shook his head bitterly. "No. This definitely wasn't a natural fire."

"How do you know that for sure?"

"A natural fire sprouts from one source... but this fire seems to have started from many different sources... I don't even think that one person could have made a fire do this much damage in such a short time... unless, of course, they used the words."

"The... Maram?"

Frey's jaw tightened. "No. Not just the Maram. This person used both the Lotis and the Maram. 'Iru' must have been what started the flame... and then 'sura' must have been what made it burn with such rage... and that would explain why it wouldn't stop for anyone but me."

Clementine blinked—silent for a moment. "...someone can know the Lotis _and_ the Maram at the same time...?"

"Yes..." Frey looked disgusted.

"Would... would it have been someone here? Someone at this branch?"

He shook his head rapidly. "I won't believe it. I know everyone here... we're all close... I don't believe that any of them could be any double agents. I can't."

Nodding slowly, Clem decided that it would probably be good to shut up for the moment. She trailed her fingers across what had been Frey's furniture, and what were now black lumps of damp, burnt wood. She jerked one of the drawers of his dresser open to see if anything inside had remained intact. There was nothing in the drawer besides a picture—which was lying upside down, edges a bit blackened.

Clementine glanced at Frey—making sure he wasn't really looking—then she removed the photo from the drawer and flipped it over. After just a moment of scrutinizing, her hazel eyes widened and she dropped the picture in alarm. _"...oh my... that's..."_

"...Clem..? What's wrong...?"

Snapping out of her frightened reverie, Clementine lifted her wide eyes to meet Frey's. "Who... who is that...? The woman... in the picture... who is it?"

Frey leaned down and picked up the picture—wincing inwardly. "Ida. She... she was my cousin."

"...was?"

His jaw tightened. "She died. Threw herself in a river... drowned."

Clementine's heart skipped a beat. _"...a... a river... she threw herself in a river... that's the same girl... the same girl that I saw in my dream... in the river... the same girl that... that talked... I've never seen her before in my life... I never knew that she was real... something... something strange is going on... and I don't want to stick around long enough to find out... I have to get out of here... I have to!"_

She jumped as she felt Frey gently grab her shoulders. "Clementine... tell me what's wrong. You look as if you've seen a ghost."

Shivering slightly, she hesitantly looked up at him. "...maybe I have..."

Confusion showed clearly in his eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"I... I'm sorry, Frey... I'm sorry... I can't stay... I can't stay here... I can't go with you to Japan... I'm going home... I can't take this anymore... I just can't...!" Tears started flowing freely from her eyes—she was on the edge of hysteria.

Frey blinked. He realized that she must have been eavesdropping on his conversation with Eric, but he didn't understand why she suddenly became hysterical. "Clem... Clem, please calm down... tell me what's wrong..."

She looked at him for a moment with tear-filled eyes, then she quickly tore herself away and ran as fast as she could. She could hear Frey yelling after her, but she didn't stop until she was far, far away. After slowly making her way back to her room, she shut the door and slumped against it—burying her head in her hands and letting loose the sobs she had worked so hard to suppress.

Everything seemed to swirl around in her head, and she found herself completely incapable of sorting out her thoughts. One thing she knew for sure—she _had_ to get away. She had to get away soon... as soon as possible...

"_I'm going home. I'm going home, and things are going to go back to normal. They _will_ go back to normal. I know it..."_

The thought comforted her a bit, and she leaned her head back against the door—closing her eyes. _"Everything's going to be okay... I just have to believe it..."_

—

Timidly peeking out from behind the window-coverings, Clementine watched as Frey packed his things into a car and drove off. His absence left her feeling cold and empty—a phenomenon that shocked and disturbed her. She had never been dependant on people before... or maybe she had always been dependant on others, and was never strong enough to face it...

Eric had accepted her urgent need to return home with surprise, but he had been gracious in granting her request. She was scheduled to leave in four days, and she couldn't wait... she felt that she would go mad if she had to spend one more night at the branch.

Tearing herself away from the window, she wandered around her room—feeling like the proverbial "phantom in a dream." Nothing seemed real to her anymore. Nothing even had an edge of reality. Yet she knew that she wasn't dreaming.

Frey had seemed heartbroken when she said that she was going home. _"I don't understand... I have these blank spots in my memory... I just can't remember what happened during them... but... I feel that I'm missing something... something important... Frey seemed too... too attached... but I don't know—or can't remember—why..."_

Her heart suddenly sank with regret. _"I... I shouldn't have been so cold to him... he deserved better... whenever I got upset or hopeless... I pushed him away. All he wanted to do was comfort me... he wanted me by his side in Japan... but I can't... I wish I could... I'm just not strong enough for this..." _She closed her eyes as a tear slowly slid down her cheek. "I'm sorry, Frey..."

—

The day had finally come—Clem was ready to go home. She was ecstatic for the first time in years. Excitement was practically bubbling out of her, and she earned her share of strange looks around the branch. _"They've never seen my happy side—I'm sure it's quite a surprise!" _she thought with a laugh.

At that point in time, she felt as if nothing could possibly go wrong. The sun was shining through the clouds, and the world was bright. Life finally seemed to be looking up. Or... maybe she just wanted to believe that things were looking up. _"No! I can't think like that... I'm going home, and everything's going to go back to normal."_

There was one thing that she couldn't fool herself about—she missed Frey. Her eyes began to tear up when she thought about him... and what happened. _"I need to forget. This part of my life is over. I need to move on."_

Her internal struggle went on for quite a while before she silenced it. _"Maybe I should write him a letter... or something... just to let him know that I'm not angry with him... and that..."_ Sighing, she changed her train of thought. _"I have to finish packing..."_

In an hour or so, everything was packed, and Clementine was more than ready to leave. She carefully folded up her cloak and proceeded down the hall to return it to Eric. A small tremor shook through her as she knocked on his door; Eric still unnerved her. He opened the door a moment later and greeted her with a warm smile.

"Hello, Miss Clementine—is there something I can do for you?"

"Um, I just wanted to return this..." Her hands shook as she handed the cloak to him. _"...why am I so afraid of him...?"_

Looking a bit surprised, he took the cloak. "You can keep it if you wish, Miss Clementine. Think of it as a gift."

"Oh, thank you... but, no." She forced a strained smile. "I'd rather not. Besides, someone else can always use it..."

Eric nodded. "Alright, if you wish." He quickly glanced at the clock. "It's just about time for you to go to the airport. Better hurry if you wish to make it."

"Right... thanks..." She turned to walk away, but Eric called after her.

"Oh, wait! I quite forgot... there's a letter for you."

Turning around, Clem blinked. "...a letter?"

"Yes—it arrived earlier this morning." He handed it to her with a smile. "I'm very sorry I didn't give it to you sooner."

"Oh... that's alright..." Smiling a bit—out of courtesy—she tore the envelope open and opened the letter. Her eyes scanned over the letter quite quickly, but then—seeming not to believe its contents—she slowly read over it again. Countenance hardening, she stuffed the letter back inside the envelope. "You say this came this morning?"

"Yes... it did." Eric frowned a bit. "What's the matter?"

Without answering, Clementine carefully pulled out another piece of paper from the envelope. Her eyes widened—a look of utter disbelief stealing over her face. "...it wasn't a lie... it wasn't..."

The envelope fell from her hands, and Eric stooped down to pick it up. After reading the letter thoroughly, he looked back at Clem in alarm. "Oh Clementine... I'm so sorry..."

Tears were silently streaming down her face. She seemed frozen—not wanting to believe what was in the letter, but knowing that it was true. _"It's true... it has to be true... that... the certificate couldn't have been forged... why would anyone forge something like that...? My mother..._ _she's... dead. Our house is gone. Everything... everything I had to go back to... everything's gone..."_

"Clementine..." Eric seemed to be at a loss for words.

Clementine's eyes hardened as she was brought back from her thoughts. She laughed a bit bitterly. "I should have known better than to believe in hope." Dropping her mother's death certificate, she turned and stalked back to her room—not feeling the need to cry or scream, but just feeling completely numb inside. A pair of amber eyes watched her retreat.

"_**She will be ours yet..."**_

—

Author's Note: Wow. That chapter took FOREVER. Sorry, guys... -wince-

Okay, I now have a few questions for everyone reading this story: Do you think it's going to slow? Are there parts that are just plain dull? Do you think that it's down-right cheesy sometimes?

If you do, I would really like to know! I'm kind of floundering here, believe it or not... so... flame at will, if you so choose. -wink- I can never put myself in the mind-set of the reader with my stories, so... please, please, please let me know what you think.

Review Responses:

**Helbaworshipper: **Hehe, I'm glad you liked the romance! This chapter didn't really have any romance, but—don't worry—I'll get to that eventually!

**Takame Kiriku: **lol, well, you never know—I could switch things around on you. -wink- In the world of fan-fiction, you never know what to expect next! Er, or at least... I hope you don't... -koff-

**Esse: **-dies laughing- Dude... I should attempt to write an _Alice 19th_ humor story... with Frey's jam and Nyozeka. I wonder how that would turn out... Yes, I was so sad when I read the last volume of _Alice 19th_! I couldn't believe that it was over! -sniff- So sad. Glad you liked the last chapter—hope you liked this one! Hehe, I try to be dedicated—I really do!

**Arielle: **-lol- Was that with the "Cute Guys" thread? I realized that I kind of sounded stupid. -koff- Oh well—we both have yet to completely master the English language. -wink- Haha, well I didn't UPDATE very "soon"... but at least I updated! Let me know what you thought of this chapter... and you have to read more _Alice 19th_ when you get the chance. -emphatic nod-

**Tanlaith: **Yay!—a fellow hopeless romantic! I have been titled—very appropriately—"The Queen of Fluff." Yes. I love romance. Normally my stories are filled with so much romance that it's sickening. But I think I've grown out of that. -sweatdrop- I really, honestly, have no idea whatsoever when this story's going to end... I'll figure that out along the way... oh, no problem! I always love to help writers in need!

**tsukikage: **Hehe, well, the world may never know. -wink- Naw, all will be revealed in time. But I'm not giving anything away right now!


	8. Chapter VIII: Twilight Confessions

Author's Note: -gasps for breath- I'm here, I'm here! I'm back! I know it's been forever, and I'm so sorry! Gomen nasai! I've been having such a rough time lately. Life has been dealing me some difficult cards. My parents have been upset with me, and I just started the real phase of detoxification... my brain hurts. -wince- Oh well—I know that God has a reason for it all! I just need to keep on going...

Thank you all for being so patient! You guys are really amazing to put up with me like this. I normally get quite irate when stories I like aren't regularly updated. How selfish of me. -double wince-

Well, on with the story!

—

Disclaimer: -glances around furtively- But there aren't any lawyers here... who cares about this thing!

gets hit by a random frying pan flying through the air... seemingly flung by a lawyer-

Ow... m'kay, fine... _I don't own Alice 19th_. There. Ya happy?

—

Chapter VIII: Twilight Confessions

—

How does one feel when they know they have nothing left to lose? How does a human being continue to live on when there's nothing to live _for_? When all love is gone, what use is a heart? When all life is lose, of what value is breath? When all hope is gone, what is left?

Does despair prey upon the weak, or does everyone, deep down in the unreachable depths of their heart, feel the dread fingers of hopelessness? Must you allow sorrow inside for its icy grip to hold your soul in a vise? Are there those who merely allow themselves to fall into the trap of emptiness, or is everyone _truly_ empty? Are optimists really pessimists in disguise?

In a fallen world, where all is tinged by darkness, it only seems natural that your nemesis should lie in a mirror. And when you are your own worst enemy, where is there to run...?

For some, the only refuge to be found is in the hardened core of their own icy heart; they accept their fate, yet act as if there have a light at the end of the tunnel. Perhaps these can see more clearly than those who dwell in the light. Perhaps light can only be found in darkness.

However, for some, there is no light. For some, darkness is reality, and light is only something that blind optimists believe in. Hope is a shred of life lost—a mist that lingers at the back of the mind, never to be restored to its rightful glory. The heart melts away and leaves an empty shell that can hardly be called a human being. Or, maybe those empty shells have merely returned to their true nature.

Darkness is the absence of light. Darkness is not tangible. Light can be captured... light can be manufactured... light can be stopped, and, in essence, destroyed. Darkness always lingers. It's there when the sun goes down and the little town turns off all its lights. It's there when the star of the night eclipses the star of the morning. It's there when the little girl is tucked in, and her father switches off her over-head fixture. It creeps under your bed, and in the farthest reaches of your closet. Darkness is not only found in horror movies—it's all around, and no one will ever be rid of it.

To some, the answer is clear: embrace the darkness.

—

Clementine stared blankly at her reflection in the mirror. It had been four months since Frey had left. Four months since she learned of her mother's death. Four months since the make-shift ceremony that could've hardly been called a 'funeral.' The attendance was limited to herself, two of her mother's friends, and the pastor. The ladies had offered to house her and send her to college in the States, but she had flatly refused. There was nothing left for her in the States... there wasn't anything for her anywhere. Nothing that she really wanted, anyway.

Idly running her fingers through her thick red hair, she examined her fatigued physique. Her eyes had waned to a pale, sickly green instead of the healthy, sparkling hazel that had formerly been. She had lost at least twenty pounds, and she was already thin before. Her skin was nearly transparent—her veins were clearly visible through her skin. She was merely a shadow of what she had been...

Unbeknownst to her, the black curse seal flickered on her neck. It had done its job, but it wasn't finished. Darkness had almost fully engulfed her heart, but the last spark of hope was yet to be stamped out. She had yet to accept the darkness as her own.

As the days progressed, she found herself with more blank spots in her memory. All she could remember were painful memories; all thoughts of hope had fled, as if afraid of the shadow encroaching on their peaceful residence. Love was merely a word to her—a word that carried no weight and could never be fulfilled. Deep hopelessness could be seen through her glazed eyes. _...what have I become...?_

The door to her room creaked open, and light footsteps sounded on the wooden floor. "I brought you some food."

Clementine didn't react. She merely stood still—as if frozen in time. Her unfocused eyes attested to the fact that she wasn't looking in the mirror anymore.

"...Clementine..." A sigh was heard. "You have to eat. It's been three days..."

A silent tear slipped down her pallid cheek and fell to the floor. Suddenly, her legs gave out from underneath her, and she collapsed. Strong arms held her up from behind. "...I.. I-I'm fine... r-really... you d-don't have to be so... w-worried... Eric..."

Sighing deeply, Eric shook his head. "You're stuttering. Are you _trying_ to kill yourself, or is it merely consequential?" He didn't wait for an answer—he knew he wasn't going to receive one. Stooping down, he picked her up and laid her on the bed. "Please just eat. I can't stand watching you waste away like this. I promised Frey that I would take care of you. You wouldn't want to force me to break my word, would you?"

Clementine didn't answer, but her eyes slowly started to fill up with tears. After a few minutes, she finally spoke. "...I'm... sorry... I'm a burden... it would be better if I were... if I were dead... it's not fair to you... to anyone... that I'm still here..."

"Don't think like that... we wouldn't want you anywhere else but here... my job is to help." He began stroking her cheek gently to comfort her, but Clementine remained as impassive as ever—tears gleaming dully in her eyes.

Biting her lip, Clementine finally averted her gaze from the wall to the dresser next to her bed. "Eric..." Her voice was barely a whisper. "Why won't the Lotis work...?"

Eric jerked his head up and met her gaze with a slightly confused one. "Why would you ask that?"

"It's just... I... I try to use the Lotis... it's supposed to save people, right...? It can't save me... it just can't... my health... no matter what I do, it won't get better..."

"Well, you're certainly not helping yourself." The comment would have been biting, but he said it so gently that Clem didn't even flinch. Sighing again, he continued. "I understand what you mean, Clementine... the Lotis hasn't helped me, either. Me... a head-master here at this branch of the Lotsunan League of Sacred Guides..." He shifted on the edge of her bed, looking rather uncomfortable and bitter for a moment. "It seems that the more skilled I become, the more I realize that the Lotis won't solve my problems."

Clementine looked up at him. She had never seen him look so... bitter... and helpless... and... almost kind, in some strange way... it sent a shiver down her spine. "...but... but if the Lotis can't help... if the Lotis can't _save_... then... what can...?"

Her green eyes seemed to come alive for just a second. She wanted answers, and she thought that maybe—just _maybe_—Eric would be able to provide them. No one else could... or, perhaps it was just that no one else _would_. There was nobody else who cared. Nobody but Frey... and she had already pushed him away. Forever.

There was a sudden flash of emotion through Eric's eyes. Was it... regret? Hesitation? A sick sense of triumph, even? In that moment, she was the Clementine of a year ago—timid and apprehensive. A convulsive shiver rippled down her spine as he spoke—his voice thick and raspy, but sweet as honey. Too sweet.

"The Lotis can never _save_, Clementine... the darkness... the Mara... it's too strong. It's _always_ too strong. I'm sure you can understand this now..." He looked down at their hands; they had somehow become adjoined. "I wasn't going to bring this up... I wanted you to have hope in the light... you seemed happy that way. But you're too logical, and you've had quite a rude awakening."

Clementine shivered as he began to rub his thumb against her fingers. _Stop it... **don't** touch me... _She forced herself to remain calm. _It's okay... he'll go away soon enough... _"Eric... you're a Lotis master... and you're telling me that the Lotis is useless...?"

"Yes... that's exactly what I'm telling you." Amber met pale green as he tilted her chin up—forcing her to look at him. "Listen to me... stop while you can. You've said that you now know better than to believe in hope. Continue in the hopelessness... don't deceive yourself. Light is an illusion. You know this is the truth—deep down, you know."

Her eyes widened a bit. "...are... are you telling me... Eric... you're a... Maram master...?"

The corner of his lips turned up a bit into a sort of smirk. He didn't answer, but instead simply leaned forward and pressed his lips against her forehead—causing her to freeze momentarily. "Just think about it."

And, just like that, he was gone. Clementine shuddered and gathered the blanket closer around her shivering frame. She wasn't afraid of Eric anymore... she wasn't afraid of being alone... she wasn't even afraid of the darkness she felt swallowing her being... once again, the only thing she was afraid of was... herself.

The thought of embracing the darkness... of mastering the Maram... instead of chilling her to the bone, it provided a warm satisfaction in the core of her heart. It was such a sweet satisfaction that it scared her. _Is that... is that what I really want...? Have I really changed so much that I would actually give up on all hope? Would I really... do that to myself? Has life really been that... hard...? Am I just too weak? Can... can the Maram really... help...? Can it make me whole? Can it give back what I've lost? Is it really... really that much stronger than the light?_

The questions filled her head until she felt it would burst. But she knew... she _really _knew one thing...

Her light was gone.

—

It was dark. Completely dark. So dark that she couldn't see her hand before her eyes. It was an empty darkness—almost as if nothing was there but the black infinity. The dark abyss.

"_**Don't you know...?"**_

The whisper sent a shiver down her spine. It was deep... raspy... ethereal. The voice seemed to resonate off of invisible walls; it came from every direction. "W-where are you...?"

"_**Why did you do it...?"**_

Blindly groping through the darkness, she gasped for breath. "Where am I!"

"_**I loved you..."**_

She tripped—on what, she didn't know—and fell forward. There was no ground this time... the air was suffocating her, making it impossible for her to scream.

"_**Where did your light go...?"**_

Taking in strangled breaths, she wildly groped for something... anything... to hold on to. She was desperate to end her descent.

"_**It's been gone for years..."**_

"N-no..." She coughed—the air was leaving her lungs for good.

"_**That day... didn't you know...?"**_

A hand reached out to her—shining through the darkness. Flailing, she grasped it and jerked to a halt. A dim light began to shine, but she couldn't find its source. A face... there was a face visible in the light... She squinted, trying to see who it was.

"_**Give in..."**_

Her heart seemed to stop. _No... it can't be... you... you're dead! _

The figure's lips twisted into a nasty, sadistic grin.

"_**Everything comes back around..."**_

Suddenly, something slammed into her chest and she went flying backwards over a ledge. She was falling again, and something warm was pouring from a hole in her chest. Blood... her blood... she had been shot.

"_**You'll get what you deserve."**_

With a loud gasp, she flew upright in her bed. Her light was on, but the light gave her little comfort. Pressing her hand against her chest, she convinced herself that she wasn't bleeding. "A dream... just... just a dream... another one..."

She knew it wouldn't be the last time she woke up bathed in her own sweat.

_I have to make this end. I know what I have to do._

—

"Eric."

Clementine stood in the doorway of his room. He turned slowly, regarding her with a slightly cocked eyebrow. "Well, don't you look official?"

She was barely recognizable. Her hair had become board-straight, and her hazel eyes had changed to a sickly, pale green, and were now deep green—shining with a dark despite that could strike fear into the heart of any Lotis master. Her skin was nearly transparent. She was wearing a open-backed black dress that was covered by a black leather coat that was standard for Maram masters.

Crossing her arms, she smiled in her own, sarcastic way. "I thought that was the point."

Suddenly losing his satisfied smirk, Eric nodded slowly. "Indeed it is." Absentmindedly fingering some papers, he sauntered over to the doorway. "There's one thing I have to know, Clementine. Why did you let the darkness take you so easily?"

Frowning, Clementine tilted her head a bit. "I told you before. I made the deal with Darva so that I would stop having those dreams. They were killing me."

"Clementine... you never said _what_ you were having dreams about. You woke up screaming... sweating... you hit anyone who was within reach out of panic... but you never said _why_. Listen, we all have secrets..." He moved closer, placing two fingers under her chin, lifting it up to meet her eyes. "...and our reasons for doing what we do..."

Clementine cut him off. "Do we? What was _your_ reason for letting me believe in the Lotis... for teaching me... and then suddenly telling me to give up? What could you _possibly_ gain from watching my pain!" She practically spat at him.

"Now, now, dear—there's no need to be angry. As I said, we _all_ have our reasons—_and_ our secrets." He smirked. "You give me no reason to tell you my reasons and secrets. I'm afraid I'll get nothing in return."

Tears sprang to her eyes—stinging and blurring her vision. "I have no reason to tell you anything..." Her voice was merely a loud, raspy whisper. She was choking on her tears, struggling to hold them back.

He smiled, and there was almost something tender in his expression. "Without me, you wouldn't be here right now."

"Without you... I might still be happy."

"Happy, but blind. Is that _really_ how you want to live?"

"There's no point in wishing—I can't go back to the way things were."

"Good girl. Logical as always."

"Don't patronize me, Eric." Clementine was practically seething, although she didn't know why. He wasn't infuriating... usually. _...am I angry at myself...?_

"Clementine... you're still hesitant about this decision. I can see it in your eyes." His amber eyes were questioning—searching. "What are you hiding?"

"I-I'm not... hiding anything." Her knees went weak, so she locked them to keep from crumpling to the floor. It was hard for her to stand on legs that felt like gelatin. She was about to break. _I've held this inside for years... I've never told anyone... I wouldn't... I... I couldn't... I still can't... I can't let anyone know... _"I am simply not deserving of the light. It's gone from me."

"Why?"

She swatted away the hand that was gently stroking her cheek. "Just leave me alone!" Turning away in disgust, she stalked—hurriedly—down the hallway. Soon, however, her pain overcame her and she fell forward. Strong arms circled around her waist and slowly lowered her to the floor—softening her fall.

"This is killing you, Clementine. Tell me what's wrong. I'll find out one way or another."

Squeezing her eyes shut, she clenched her fists. Her heart was full of self-loathing, and her façade was cracking and crumbling. "G-go... away..."

"What did you do!" Eric felt that he had to revert to shouting.

"I killed my father!"

Eric's eyes widened in shock, and Clementine sunk against the floor, sobbing hysterically.

"I... I killed him..."

—

Author's Note: Well, that turned out nothing like I planned... I'm _so_ sorry it took sooo long... I'm so sorry... it's crazy, I know. And now I give you another cliff-hanger. I am so evil. -wince-

I hope to update sooner next time than I did this time! Thank you guys for being so patient and devoted! -gives cookies-

Review Responses:

**Helbaworshipper: **Wow—nice word-picture, there! I'm glad you like the angst, too. -smile-

**Esse: **I'm so glad you love this story. -big grin- You've been soooo encouraging this whole time... thank you, thank you, thank you! Lol, never, ever stop writing long reviews! I love reading them so much. Very fun. Ah! I want to meet Yu Watase! I wonder what she would think of this story... -shrinks in fear-

**Tanlaith: **Well, I'm sure that if you think really, really hard you could figure it out. -smile- But I'll reveal it later in the story. Probably the next chapter, but they never turn out like I plan... so... you never know.

**Destiny852: **Haha, doncha just _love_ cliff-hangers? -grin- How are you feeling nowadays?

**Liz: **Yay, Lizzie! -hug- I'm really glad that you liked this! Hehe, 'tis always great when my friends get hooked on my fan-fiction. -grin-

**Takame Kiriku: **Whee... I love being evil. -evil laugh- I know that most of you were probably expecting Clementine to freak out once she figured out what Eric was... but... I decided to take another twist on things. It'll totally set things up for what I'm going to do later. -smile-

**Arielle: **Yes, it's around that time-period. Nice observation! Haha... yeah, I don't remember what you're talking about... I just know that I said something pretty stupid in that one convo... but I won't bring it up, if you don't remember. -grin, wink- I'm glad you liked the last chapter! I always try to give that "wow" effect, but I think that I pulled it off pretty well last time. Sometimes I have to write fillers, and it's _really_ hard to make people go "wow" at those. -grimace- But yes! Buy more _Alice 19th_ when you can!

**June Antilles: **I know what you're saying, 'Nae, but I think 'twould be a bit... unrealistic if I had Clementine become stronger in the light when there's no one there for her. I mean, really, if _you_ were all alone in the world, and you didn't have God, would you become stronger, or give in to hopelessness? Seriously. I know I wouldn't! But don't worry... Clementine's not going to stay a Maram master the whole time. You can already tell that she's hesitant about her decision. If you've noticed the Lotis word's she's learned, not one has to do with 'courage' or 'hope.' I did that on purpose. Things are going to get worse before they get better... trust me. -grin-


	9. Chapter IX: The Night is Young

Author's Note: Okay... so... I'm back... whoo-hoo... can't you tell that I'm so excited? Okay, so, I admit it—I've been having a hard time lately. I have a horrible case of Writer's Block right now. It won't go away! -si-igh- So if this chapter sucks, you now know why...

Okay, enough excuses. I'm done complaining. -smile- I'm going to do my best and brave this next chapter! Hope you all enjoy!

—

Disclaimer: I don't own _Alice 19th_. I would think that would be apparent by now. Yu Watase is a genius; I'm not. Kapeesh?

—

Chapter IX: The Night is Young

—

"_**You don't realize what you did... do you...?"**_

"I killed him. I killed him... I _know_ I killed him..."

"_**On that day, your fate was sealed..."**_

"...what are you trying to tell me...?"

"_**You will kill another."**_

—

Clementine sat—eyes and countenance blank, conveying no emotion. Her little emotional meltdown was over, and the mask was back in its place. She knew that she had to tell Eric about her father... after betraying her secret so frankly... but she didn't have to revisit the emotions. Blankness was more than fine.

He sat there, waiting for her to begin. He was patient, and God knows she needed patience. Patience... and acceptance. Although she wouldn't admit it, those were two of the things she needed most. But she wouldn't allow herself to enjoy it—she wouldn't allow herself to enjoy anything. Life wasn't enjoyable, and she didn't expect it to be. Hope was something of the past.

She took a deep, shuddering breath, struggling to find the composure she needed. His amber eyes were searching her face, and she did everything in her power not to meet them with her own pallid green orbs. Betrayal... that's what her eyes were plotting. They wished to give away all of her thoughts and emotional secrets. But she wouldn't let them... not then... not there... not yet.

"My... father..." she began, clearing her throat to steady her voice. "He... he was an alcoholic... and he was hardly ever home... my mother and I were left to fend for ourselves a lot... he always said that he was gone on 'business trips,' but we knew that he wasn't. Actually, we're not even sure that he had a job... we never seemed to get any money in our bank account. He probably had a separate bank account that we didn't know about..."

_**Poverty...**_

"He hardly ever talked to me. He didn't seem to acknowledge my existence. I knew... I knew that he didn't want me in the first place. He wanted my mother to get an abortion when they found out that she was pregnant... but she wouldn't. My mother's not that kind of person. She never... she never told me about this... I just overheard them fighting... I always eavesdropped, even though it scared me to death... how he could ask something like that of her... something of that magnitude... it was cruel."

_**Fear...**_

"We always knew that he was cheating on my mother. It was obvious... in more ways than one. We always had women calling the house... he would always leave at the strangest times... usually at night... he would be gone for days at a time... and those 'business trips' were a dead giveaway... I didn't fully understand what it meant... but I saw my mother crying too many times... I heard their fights too many times... I could hardly stand it."

_**Apprehension...**_

"His alcoholism started to get out-of-hand... he was hurting my mother more and more often... but he never touched me. Not once. It was like... like I didn't exist... like he didn't even know I was there... he rarely even glanced at me... my mother was in and out of the hospital at the time... she was rarely healthy, and she had various... injuries. She always had bruises... broken bones every now and then... I spent a lot of time alone at home. With my father gone... and my mother in the hospital... and no friends or relatives... it was the only choice. My mother... she didn't want people to know about my father... so nobody had a clue about what was going on... sometimes... I just wish that she had told them."

_**Regret...**_

"It... it happened when I was fourteen... I got involved with the wrong group of kids... and they all encouraged me to act on my feelings... my anger... they never directly told me to kill my father, but I knew that's what they all meant... I was so timid back then... but I knew what I had to do. They kept feeding those thoughts into my head... and I couldn't resist any longer. I _had_ to make it end. Somehow... I had to."

_**Hatred...**_

"I hated him. I'll admit it. I _hated_ my father. I _wanted_ him to die. I just... didn't think that I had the courage to pull it off. You see... deep down... we are all murderers... some of us just don't have the courage to carry it out. For a long time, I didn't. But... watching my mother waste away... pining after him... eating oatmeal for breakfast every morning because we didn't have the money to buy anything else... while my father drove his sports car and went on 'business trips' to expensive locations... it all began to wear down my fear. My hatred was growing and swallowing up all apprehension I had before..."

_**Resolution...**_

"One night... he left after a horrible fight with my mother... I... I found a gun... the gun one of my 'friends' had given to me... 'just in case'... I took my mother's car and followed my father... my mother was unconscious, so she couldn't stop me... I wore gloves... at least I thought that far ahead... I followed him onto a little country dirt road... we lived out in the country... I had the headlights turned off, and just followed wherever his headlights went... we both soon realized that he had taken the wrong road... it was a dead end... I noticed it sooner than he did, and I doubled back to the beginning of the road..."

_**Doubt...**_

"You see, my father was never a patient person... I knew that if he took the wrong road, he would be aggravated and would come back twice as fast as he went down the road... I parked the car at the beginning of the road... I got out as quickly as I could... gun in hand... I was having second thoughts, as I'm sure you can imagine... sure enough, my father's car came barreling down the road... much, much faster than I had previously suspected... I stood there... waiting... holding my breath without knowing it... his headlights came closer and closer... and... before I knew it... he crashed straight into my mother's car..."

_**Betrayal...**_

"He screamed. I don't think I've ever heard such a blood-curdling scream in my life... if he had really been paying attention, he would've noticed my mother's car before he crashed... I was fourteen—I wasn't an experienced murderer, so I didn't think about it... but he wasn't. Luckily for me, he wasn't paying attention. Even though he crashed going at such a great speed... I couldn't take any chances. I had to make sure that he was dead. I didn't know what I was doing... I swear, I didn't... I was just a girl... immature... and full of hatred. When I walked over to the car, I saw him struggling to get out... he was still alive... I panicked. I can't even explain the fear that coursed through my veins at that moment. Before I knew what I was doing, I had pulled the trigger and shot him in the chest. I saw the blood... his blood... it streamed out of his chest and seeped into the dirt below..."

_**Death...**_

"I stood there for... God knows how long. I couldn't move. My whole body was frozen in place... or so it seemed. Then... I ran. I ran through a large field... and just kept going. I don't know how far I ran... or how I kept going... but, when I stopped, I just fell... and I passed out. When I woke up, I was in a hospital bed. My mother was sitting beside me, and the doctor was filling out some sort of paper-work. They told me... they told me that I had lost blood... and had been in a coma for over a week. I didn't understand. I _still_ don't understand how that happened... I had a large gash in my side, and several cuts on the insides of my arms. Apparently... they thought that I had tried to kill myself. But they didn't know why."

_**Confusion...**_

"They knew about my father's death. The police were investigating it. My heart nearly stopped when my mother told me that it was a high-profile case. I... I hadn't thought that far ahead... I was so bent on killing him that I didn't think about what would happen afterwards... but, somehow, they never attributed me with the murder. They said that I was found miles away from where my father was murdered, and they said that... that, somehow... my mother's car was found back at the house... in perfect condition... and that my father had run into a different car... after a while, the case was dropped. They figured that, since it just looked like my father had been beat to death, he wasn't murdered after all... just ran into a tree going full-speed..."

_**Deception...**_

"But... but the strangest part... the strangest part is..."

She suddenly faltered. Her voice trailed off as she squeezed her eyes shut—as if warding off the memories. Eric let out a deep breath.

"The strangest part is... what, Clementine?"

Slowly, deliberately, she raised her eyes to meet his.

"There were no trees when I was there. And there was no bullet wound found in my father's chest."

Eric blinked in surprise. "Then... Clementine... how do you know that you really killed him...?"

"I remember every detail vividly. And... I was so afraid of pain... I never would've tried to kill myself. Never." Pausing, she directed her eyes to the floor. "But... the way I knew for sure was... when I was released from the hospital, I went to search my mother's car... disbelievingly... it was in perfect condition, but..." She let out a breath. "The gun was in the drawer under the driver's seat. The gun was always kept in a hidden spot in my room... but it was there—right where I put it."

There was a long pause. Neither person talked for a long stretch of time. It was awkward, but neither took the time to notice. Both were completely lost in their own thoughts... both minds going down different paths... both hearts nearing the same place.

Eric finally spoke, breaking the silence. "It seems that the darkness was protecting you even then."

Smiling bitterly, Clementine nodded. "Apparently. There never was any room for me in the light."

_**Despair.**_

—

Sweat poured down her brow and ran into the fine lines in her face, which was wrinkled in an expression of pain. Her eyes were squeezed shut, and her hands were clenched in fists, resting on her knees. Her legs were crossed, and her back was board-straight. Wisps of straight red hair brushed against her cheeks, but most of it was held back in a tightly-braided bun. Looking at her, one would wonder why she seemed so strained when she was, by all appearances, doing nothing.

Suddenly gasping for breath, her eyes flew open and she pressed a hand to her chest. "I... I can't... do it..." she wheezed, leaning forward to ease her pain-ridden body. "I... I can't..."

A pair of amber eyes stared stolidly at her from the shadows that enveloped the room. "Try harder."

A look of hatred flashed across her countenance, and she looked up to meet the amber eyes—beads of sweat still trailing down her cheeks. "I'm trying as hard... as I can..."

The eyes narrowed, and Eric stepped out from the shadows. "It's obviously not good enough."

"Look... I've never tried to force this, okay!" Clementine was quickly losing her temper. _In fact... I tried to get rid of this..._

Eric's face was completely impassive—letting no emotion show. His orange hair was slicked back, and he was wearing a long black trench-coat that reached his ankles. All in all, he looked completely intimidating. However, Clementine wasn't intimidated by him anymore. She had gotten over that a long time ago... _Strange—I'm afraid of that which I held dear... and I'm now comfortable with that which I previously feared..._

Eric stooped down and pressed two of his fingers against a point on her upper arm. He paused, then shook his head and withdrew. "You're completely out of energy."

"What do you think I've been trying to tell you?" she muttered under her breath. Scowling, she swatted away the hand that he held out to her. "Don't patronize me," she spat. "You're no gentleman; don't try to act like one."

Lips twisting into a sly smirk, Eric grasped Clementine's upper arm and jerked her up—quickly, but not roughly. She wasn't expecting the sudden movement, and she stumbled forward—landing right in Eric's arms. Gasping, she placed her hands on his chest and pushed away. Eric, however, had other ideas. He tightened his grip around her waist with one arm while he brought his other hand up behind her head—immobilizing her as he captured her lips with his own.

Her eyes widened in shock. That wasn't... well, that wasn't what she was expecting. The shock was so great that she couldn't respond—positively or negatively. She couldn't think—her mind was reeling. The sensation of his lips devouring hers was hardly sweet—hardly her idea of romantic. Still... much to her surprise... she didn't seem to mind. Not _too_ much, anyway.

She wouldn't respond, but he wouldn't give up. Deepening the kiss to prod her along, he slowly backed her up against the wall. It wasn't like anything that she had ever experienced, and she wasn't sure what to do. A shiver rippled up and down her spine as he ran a hand along her arm. It was strangely pleasant, but... it wasn't... wasn't...

_Frey._

_Why does his name immediately come into my mind? We... we were never involved with each-other... I had no claim to his heart... or he to mine... but then... why do I remember him in that way...?_

Gasping, she realized that, while she had been reflecting on her thoughts, his lips had moved on from her lips to her neck. His hands traveled up her arms and proceeded to slide her coat down from her shoulders—caressing the bare skin beneath that wasn't covered by her corset tank-top. Pulling his mouth away from her skin, he fingered the fringe of her top and brushed the base of her neck with his thumb.

_What... what is he doing...? _She was trembling by this time. She felt vulnerable... almost timid; almost back to the girl of two years ago. _...why do I want _him_ to save me...?_ _And... from what, exactly, do I wish to be saved? Honestly...? Eric... or... the mess that I've gotten myself into...?_

She looked up to realize that Eric was no longer sliding his fingers across her skin—but was, instead, staring at her with an icy-cold gaze.

"Your chi is wavering. You are unsure about something. Tell me."

"I-I... it's nothing." She countered with a death-glare of her own. "Do you think that I should enjoy this... this... groping? I had previously thought better of you, Eric." Her voice seethed with venom, but her spirit was quavering. "I would appreciate it if you would keep your hands off of me from now on."

He swiftly withdrew—his countenance detached and indifferent. "As you wish," he conceded in a monotone voice.

Obviously flustered, Clementine paused before continuing; she needed a moment to collect herself. After a moment, she continued. "My association with you is strictly limited to business, Eric—nothing more. Don't cross the line." She thrust her chin up to glare at him. "I believe that my training is done for the day."

With that, she turned on her heel and hurried away—Eric watching her retreat.

"You're getting soft, Eric."

Smirking, Eric turned to the source of the smug, serious, yet slightly high-pitched voice. "How long have you been watching?"

"Long enough. You have a soft-spot for her, don't you? You're trying to goad her to run away."

"I'm afraid it's too late for that, Samuel."

A young boy with curly blonde hair and piercing blue eyes stepped out of the shadows. "You're 'afraid' that it's too late?" He laughed mockingly. "My, my, Eric... whatever will Darva think of this? You know that we need that girl."

Eric turned to face Samuel—eyes steely. "We don't _need_ her. She is merely a valuable asset. You know this."

"Of course—but Darva wants her. And, as you know, what Darva wants... Darva gets." Samuel smiled in what would have been a cheery fashion had it not been for the menacing gleam in his eyes.

"You have no need to worry. I'm not encouraging her to run."

"You're 'emotionally involved' in your work, then?"

"No—not at all." Smirking, Eric folding his arms in front of his chest. "She and I just have something in common... that is all."

"And that would be?" His tone was inquiring, but his piercing eyes made it clear that he demanded an answer.

After a pause, Eric answered. "Neither of us remember love."

—

It was midnight. The moon shone through the pearly-white curtains—filtering through the fabric and casting an eerie gloom on the maple floor of the room. With a slight whistle, the wind whipped through the branches of the oak tree, causing its branches to scratch against the window-pain. The rain splashed softly on the roof. The music of the night was playing softly... waiting for the rest of the chorus to participate.

Clementine tossed and turned in her bed—utterly restless and unable to rid herself of the icy-cold feeling that permeated her body. She squeezed her eyes shut and gripped her pillow, as if that would ward off the whispering demons of the night. It didn't.

Just as she expected, the voices started coming—completing the surreal music of twilight with their jumbled and murmured lyrics. Clementine tried to shut them out, but to no avail. They were determined.

_**She's seen too much...**_

_**It may be too powerful to stop...**_

_**No... no... it must stop...**_

_**It can't. The circle is almost complete...**_

_**But not complete yet... there is still hope...**_

_**There is never hope... never...**_

"...stop... please, please stop..." Clementine pressed the palms of her hands against her ears in an attempt to block the whispers out of her consciousness. "Leave me alone..."

_**She will kill him... we all know it...**_

_**The light can prevail... it has before...**_

_**We shall have to wait and see...**_

_**Let's...**_

A few minutes later, Clementine—trembling—sat up in bed and strained her ears to listen. _They left... oh, thank God... they left..._ Her eyes filled up with tears, and she leaned her head against her pillow once more. The night was young, but some of it had been conquered. She had won the battle so far. _Please... let me survive this... these terrible nights... these cold, heartless days... without hope... without hope... without comfort... without..._

_Love._

The tears that she had held in her eyes began to stream out. Her throat was choked with sobs, and she couldn't hold them in anymore. Her shoulders shook and her body trembled as a deluge of tears ran down her cheeks. "I... I can't... I can't remember his face..." She covered her face with shaking hands and proceeded to cry until she fell asleep.

Ever-watching amber eyes stared from outside her window. A wry smirk twisted the edges of his lips. "It's for your own good. Trust me."

—

Author's Note: ... -dot, dot, dot- Oookaaayy... lol, I feel like I'm reading this fic... not writing it... -koff- That was _weird_. Not a'tall what I had planned. Of course... does it _ever_ turn out the way I plan? Uh... no. Never. -dies-

Does anyone else think that I ended this chapter on a weird note? I didn't think 'twas a very good place to end, but I couldn't think of anything else. -sweatdrop-

Special thanks to TwilightEyes and Lizzie for helping me conquer my Writer's Block! -hugs and cookies-

So, this was basically a filler chapter. I don't know how well I did... making it interesting and all... do all ya'lls think that I explained her "ordeal" well enough? Or was it just... strange?

Okay, well, that's it for now. Before I leave, however, I have a special challenge.

IF YOU CAN NAME THE TV SHOW THAT I GOT THE IDEA OF THE "WHISPERING VOICES" FROM, THEN I'LL DEDICATE THE NEXT CHAPTER TO YOU!

Good luck. -smile-

Review Responses:

**Takame Kiriku: **Hahaha... that was _not_ funny. That person is an **idiot**. -huffs, has murderous thoughts, koff- Glad you thought that it was amazing. -smile-

**Helbaworshipper:** Glad you were satisfied! -grin- I was _really_ nervous about the last chapter. I seriously wasn't expecting so much positive feedback. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, as well!

**Tanlaith: **Am I still confusing you? Am I letting you down? -sweatdrop-

**Arielle: **Yeah, I was hoping that I could keep people guessing with that one. -smile- Glad you liked the angst! I was soooo unsure about the last chapter. I'm so happy that you liked it! Hehe, yes—a short review is better than no review. -wink-

**Liz: **I finally finished it, Liz!1oneone! Hehe. -grin- Was this chapter up to your expectations, or was it not worth the wait?

**twilight eyes 8120: **...YAYAYAY! -bounces in happiness- I'm soooo glad that you like this! Is my writing as good as my editing? I LOVED our discussion about the story. Believe it or not, you really inspired me. -smile- I even saved the conversation for reference. Haha, you haven't turned rabid... yet. -wink- Did this chapter capture your interest as well as the others?


	10. Chapter X: Everything Burns

Author's Note: Well... -long pause- Erm... I'm back! -sweatdrop- I profusely apologize for the wait. My life has been, well... I guess you could say it's been "normal"... for me, at least... but... it's been quite hectic. We just got back from vacation, and I _never_ get anything done on vacation. Ever. And now I might have pneumonia. It's horrible, but... it's reality. Gosh, doncha just hate reality sometimes?

Carrie Underwood won _American Idol_! I was actually rooting for Bo, but... oh well. Carrie is _amazing_. Watch out, ya'll—you're going to see me in season six. I'll be old enough to try out next summer, and I'm going to make it on the show. Just watch. I'll give all ya'lls a shout-out when I do. -wink-

Oh man—_LOST_ is **over** for the season. -gasps for breath- I think I'm going to die. Really and truly. No. More. _LOST_. -falls over dead- Oh well... everyone knows that next season is going to _rock_. If it doesn't, J.J. Abrams is going to be receiving about a billion angry fan-letters... all from me. -koff-

Speaking of _LOST_... Esse got it right! My inspiration for the "whispering voices" did, in fact, come from _LOST_. Had to place a tribute in there somewhere... but, I really don't like it. I'm considering taking that part out. I might just be too lazy, though. -yawn-

Anyways, I hope you like the chapter... same old, same old... blah, blah, blah... on with it.

—

Disclaimer: -yawn- I don't own _Alice 19th_... and all that jazz.

—

Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to Essence of Reality, who rightly answered my challenge in the last chapter. Congrats!

—

Chapter X: Everything Burns

—

"No... Terje... don't!"

It was too late. I was _always_ too late.

She couldn't save anyone. She couldn't even save herself. Not even herself...

The gun flashed... the bullet flew... the blood painted the walls.

Her blood... or someone else's...?

She could never tell. The vision was never clear. Yet, it kept returning... every night... but she told no one of it. No one needed to know. No one... no one _should_ know. It was best... kept secret. One was never sure of the danger that lurked around every corner... every bend... every minute decision.

Were there really any _truly_ minute decisions? Not in a darkness-tainted world, no...

Every little detail has repercussions... every decision, consequences.

Whether the consequences and repercussions are good or bad, only the action can decide.

_The action, or... some higher power...?_

The answer made no difference to her at that point in time. All she knew was what she saw... and what she saw, she knew would come to pass.

Sooner or later, it would come to pass.

—

Clementine found herself peeking through the window-coverings in her bedroom once more. She felt an overwhelming sense of deja-vu, but she didn't know why... she couldn't remember. It wasn't the first time she had drawn a blank on something she knew she should know. It was slightly... disturbing. Something inside urged her to merely come to terms with it... to merely blame it on a short-term memory... but her head told her that it was more than a mere slip of the mind.

Which should she trust: her mind or her intuition? She had trusted her mind her entire life... but it had betrayed her more than once. Could she really trust her intuition for something like this? Something inside told her that she shouldn't... that she couldn't... but she knew better than to trust in her feelings. Feelings betray people every day, and she wasn't about to fall into that trap once more. Not again... not ever again...

Should she trust her mind, then? The intellect has always been stronger than emotions... but it is still extremely fallible when not properly prepared or interpreted. Clementine knew that her mind was telling her that something was wrong... utterly wrong... but she couldn't put her finger on it. Her past had become nothing more than a black hole in her mind... she could remember every pivotal point in her life, but nothing more...

Was it merely coincidence that all the pivotal points in her life had harmed her or another in some way? She couldn't really tell.

Had her whole life _really_ been that horrible—that filled with darkness? Was it even _possible_ to have a life with no light in it whatsoever? Everyone should have a bright spot in their life... some happy memories to reflect upon when they lie awake in bed at night. But were there any for her? None that she could remember... none that she could remember...

Did that, however, mean that they didn't exist? Not necessarily... no.

Inwardly sighing, she let the drapes fall out of her now limp hand and turned away from the window. Her hair fell in front of her lowered face and seemed to glow in certain places from the light that filtered through the cracks in the window coverings. However, unlike her hair, her expression was anything but radiant—ruining the angelic aura that she could have exuded. For the moment, there was nothing in her mind... everything was merely blank. Blank... that's just how she felt. Blank, empty, useless, meaningless...

Eric was gone. He had left as she watched out the window. With him gone... she was supposed to feel free... wasn't she? She didn't... she felt caged... cold... afraid... and alone. _I can never be free... the Mara in me is simply too strong... it has nothing to do with Eric..._

_...right...?_

It had to be that way. It just simply had to... there could be no other explanation...

...or could there...?

—

The door loomed ahead. In appearance, it was no different than any of the other doors at the branch. However, looks can be deceiving, as Clementine well knew. There was an aura of darkness surrounding the room. It was nearly tangible... nearly visible. It was almost as if black tongues of smoke crawled under the door and reached for her—fingers twisting and writhing in the still air, beckoning her to come, yet chasing her away at the same time.

Rapidly filling her lungs with air in a slightly strangled gasp, she headed forward and turned the handle of the door. Her heart seemed to stop as the door creaked and opened into the room; it was pitch-black inside. "...Raje."

A dim light filled the room as Clementine winced in pain. It was becoming more and more difficult to use the Lotis as time wore on. Her neck was beginning to ache... it seemed to hurt less often, but when it hurt, it ached intensely. Leaning back against the wall, she closed her eyes and regulated her breathing until the pain began to fade. Once it became nothing more than a dull sting, her green eyes fluttered open and slowly scanned the room.

The furnishing was simple—a lot simpler than she had originally anticipated it would be. There was a mahogany desk near the window, surrounded by two tall, imposing bookcases full of books of different shapes and sizes. Papers were strewn here and there. She supposed that he wasn't one for organization. _Those who aren't organized in thought usually aren't organized in action_... She noticed that he had a simple sleeping mat instead of a bed. _Interesting... yet, not much can surprise me at this point..._

The rest of the furnishings and quirks of the room didn't interest her anymore. It wasn't what she had come for.

_But... what... what **did** I come for...?_ She genuinely had no idea whatsoever. _I just... I felt that I had to come in here... something that I need is in here... something... but I don't know what..._

She extended her hand to leaf through a few pages of a random book that was lying open on the large desk. Suddenly, a black figure flashed through the air.**_ Niru_**. Her eyes widened as her hand froze—completely unable to move.**_ Matsu_**. Time seemed to freeze, but the light of "Raje" grew steadily brighter.**_ Mudoru_**. She cried out in pain and fell to the floor—her hand now released and pressed against her neck in an attempt to stop the shooting pain. She felt something warm and liquid on the back of her neck. When she brought her hand away, she studied the shape of the blood stain to see how she was cut.

**_Disuri_**.

Gasping in disbelief, she sprang up from the floor. The rapidity of her jump caused a loud ringing in her ears, which was amplified by the curse seal on her neck. She screamed again—covering her ears with her hands and squeezing her eyes shut. The noise in her head was so loud and consuming that she could barely think... although she could have sworn that she heard someone... _something_... laughing at her from the shadows. There was only one word that rose to her lips in the middle of her desperate struggle.

"...Paasa..."

As soon as the word left her mouth, everything stopped; all feeling, all noise, all movement. A pile of letters fell to the floor from the bookcase, and Clementine scrambled up to grab them. Untying the black cord that bound them, she turned them over in her hands—examining them. There were over twenty of them... all with her name on their envelopes. With a frown, Clementine carefully opened one after the other—slightly glazed eyes scanning over each and every word.

Her eyes widened noticeably. _Each of these letters... every single one... sent from Japan... from..._

_Frey._

As if on cue, memories began to play before her eyes. Things that she had forgotten so long ago... her mother... her friends; very few, but friends nonetheless... and... Frey...

Her eyes became glassy—filled with tears. _...how...? How could I have forgotten all of this...?_

The memories continued on, but started taking a darker turn. Her hand started to burn, and she looked down at it—eyes narrowing in return. _That's it. That's how it happened. _The blood on her hand seemed to sink into the skin and burn a mark there. It wasn't a curse seal like the one on her neck...

"Just a reminder."

Head snapping up, Clementine narrowed her glare on the short blonde boy who emerged from the corner of the room. The "memory movie" had abruptly stopped. "...who are you?"

"My name isn't important, but... if you must know... you can call me Samuel." He smiled in an unsettling way as he cocked his head to the side. His attire was completely black, and he wore a long leather coat; Clementine immediately recognized him to be a Maram master.

"What are you doing here?" she practically spat at him—unsettled and upset. "Friend of Eric's, I presume?"

Samuel waved his hand in a placating manner. "No need to be so uptight. I was just... observing." There was that creepy smile again.

Despite herself, Clementine couldn't stop the warm flush that crept up her cheeks. _He was watching the whole thing...? Everything? Then he saw me... he saw me use the Lotis? _The situation could, potentially, turn out to be quite dangerous for her... and her reputation. But, then again, Eric also used the Lotis... but it was just for appearances, not personal situations like this. The Lotis couldn't save anyone, and all Maram masters were supposed to understand that... what could be the ramifications of using the Lotis for personal matters...? _I suppose I'm about to find out..._

"I was simply searching for something. No need to 'observe.'" She crossed her arms defensively and quirked an eyebrow—hoping to cover up the fact that she was flustered.

Stepping away from the chair he had been leaning against, Samuel took a few steps towards her—his grin turning almost malicious. "It seems to me that there is great reason and need to observe. A Maram master using the Lotis for clarity? For shame." He chuckled a bit as Clementine winced. "Don't worry—I won't tell Eric."

Clementine blinked in slight surprise. _Why not...?_ "Shouldn't you be answering to him, or something?"

Samuel shook his head amusedly. "I answer to no one but Darva. Besides, I know that there's no reason to be worried... as long as you have hate, the curse seal of Disuri will do its job." He looked so smug... she wanted to wipe that smirk off of his face.

Suddenly, she had an idea. _Maybe if I fish a bit..._ "Even without this curse seal that I knew nothing about before today... I wouldn't betray you. I made a deal with Darva, remember?"

Tilting his head back a bit, he laughed in a mocking manner. "Even a deal made with Darva rests on nothing but one's own conviction and feelings. You may not have the conviction of myself and Eric, but you have enough anger and hatred to match us evenly."

Clementine frowned a bit—watching Samuel intently. _There's something in his eyes... some deep hurt... but I can't determine the source... _"So... you're saying that, without my anger and hatred, I would have no reason to remain bound to Darva?"

Samuel shrugged. "It's your choice." He smiled again in a sickeningly sweet way. "However... do remember that we are always here to help you along the path of Mara. Never forget that we're always watching... always." With that, he faded back into the shadows and disappeared. Clementine shuddered as she watched him go.

_I should have known... I should have known that they didn't trust me... I... I have no choice but to continue down this path... the path of the Maram..._

—

Holding her head, Clementine whimpered a bit. It was early in the morning... the sun was beginning to appear... and all was completely and thoroughly still and silent. All, that is, except for her mind. Her eyes squeezed shut as she tried to ward off the barrage of memories that kept flooding back into her mind. Those blank spots in her past were beginning to fill up again... but, with every memory came a surge of unspeakable pain through her body and mind. The curse seal couldn't retain the memories anymore, but it could definitely continue to make her miserable.

There was no escaping the pain... that much she knew. It wasn't the kind of pain that drugs could kill... it was the kind of pain that could only be defeated by serene happiness and joy. However, searching the depths of her heart, she knew that she didn't hold the kind of peace that she needed... it was out of her reach. As long as the curse seal remained, she was bound to the ways of Maram. As long as her hate remained, the curse seal would remain. And... as long as _he_ was still alive and breathing... her hate would remain.

He had ruined her entire life. Ripped her away from everything she had known... forced her into a new life-style ridden with anguish... and ensured that her life was nothing but torture. She was stained now... stained by the horrifying experiences that she had endured at the branch. _If only... if only I had never listened to him..._ _none of this would have happened..._

Suddenly, a scream tore through the still air. Jerking her head up, she strained her ears to hear where it had come from. There was another scream... and another... and then... _A gunshot!_

Jumping up, she gathered her black coat close around her body and tore down the hall. It was easy to determine where the chaos was taking place; there were more and more screams as the seconds ticked by. A cold chill rippled down her spine. It all felt so... familiar. _Just like a dream..._

She rounded a corner and ran into the large front foyer... then stopped short. _It is... it... it is... I knew this would happen..._

The words spilled from her mouth before she even thought about it. "No... Terje... don't!"

Terje turned to face her. She could see the fear and insanity gleaming in his eyes. He opened his mouth in a gaping fashion, as if trying to say something, then shut it again. Finally, after several attempts, he managed to grind out a few words. "It has me... the Mara has me!" With that, he raised the gun... and fired.

Clementine didn't have time to move; besides, she felt completely frozen in place. At the last moment, she felt herself being pushed to the side by a strong gust of wind, and the bullet embedded itself into her left shoulder instead of her heart. Crying out in pain, she fell to the floor and just laid there—hoping that he would leave her alone if she just acted dead. She could feel the blood seep out of the wound... and she hoped that someone... _anyone_... would show up soon... before she lost consciousness.

A few minutes later, she heard another gunshot... and she heard Terje fall. _He... must have... killed himself..._ There were other people in the room—she could hear their footsteps. Suddenly, she felt a surge of energy course through her veins... _Jiva_... Slowly opening an eye, she bit her lip as the last pang of the stinging pain faded away.

Once she opened her eyes, she wished that she hadn't. In fact, she merely wished that she had died... the _he_ would have just let her die... so she wouldn't be faced with this. She was weak... _too_ weak... she didn't know if she could go through with it. _I know what I need to do... but... can I really do it...?_

They were in a different part of the room... standing there... talking... he was taunting the others... and she had to make it stop—for good. Crawling along the floor to remain inconspicuous, she reached for Terje's gun. She fingered the trigger, thoughts of her past threatening to strangle her as her breath caught in her throat. **_You've done it once... you can do it again..._** That voice... it was back...

Once she was close enough, Clementine stood—wavering a bit, but focused on her goal. They couldn't see her... she was hidden in the shadows. Finally... _finally_, she was close enough. _I must... no matter how much it hurts... I must fulfill my duty... to everyone..._

She raised the gun. Time seemed to stop as she pulled the trigger. The bullet tore through the air... and found its mark. She knew that he wasn't expecting it... she knew that the others weren't, either. They didn't even know that she was standing there. Nobody would have been able to tell... but, for now... it was over. Eric fell to the floor. The bullet had torn through his heart from the back. He would die soon... she had won. Shuddering, she dropped the gun as the curse seal slowly disappeared from her neck.

As she looked back up again, her glazed green eyes met his bright ones that were opened wide in shock. "...C-Clem...?"

"Frey..."

—

Author's Note: Meh. Well, that's it. Worth the wait? I certainly hope so... I'm so, so sorry this took so long... school was crazy. I finally finished, though! No more school for the year! -dances-

So yeah... thank you all for your wonderful reviews. -smile- I'll start working on the next chapter as soon as possible... I promise!

Oh, one more thing! _When All Hope Fails_ now, officially, has the most reviews of any story in the _Alice 19th_ section! Thank you all so, so much! I'm so excited! -bounces-

Review Responses:

**twilight eyes 8120**: Hehe, well, thanks. Did I come through this bout of Writer's Block nicely enough? I certainly hope so... -sweatdrop-

**Takame Kiriku**: Yes—we are going to be seeing Clementine in the final showdown. And, yeah... hate Eric, but can't help respecting him... somehow. But he's dead now, so it's all good. -koff- I'm sooo excited about KH2, I can hardly contain myself! September is oh so far away! -is near death-

**Liz**: Haha, _awkward_. Such as awesome word. But not nearly as awesome as "kapoof." And no—I'm not planning on dying anytime soon so you can own it. -koff- Anyways... hope this one was worth the wait, as well!

**Helbaworshipper**: Yeah. Clementine is really confused as to what "side" she's really on... but, in the end, she's on her own side. -nod-

**Arielle**: Hehe, so, what would you rate this chapter as? I hope it was better than the last... because it wasn't supposed to be a filler. -sweatdrop- And I updated as soon as I possibly could! No more making me feel guilty! -cries- Just kidding... I so deserve it.

**Medalladark**: I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Essence of Dreams**: That's okay that you didn't read it sooner! As long as you eventually read and review, I'm happy. -smile- Yes, I love angst... for some strange, twisted reason. I never used to enjoy it... I used to write light, fluffy stuff... but I really like taking a darker turn on things. -nod- Hope this chapter was up to your expectations!

**June Antilles**: Haha, did I let you down this time? Yeah—I _hate_ filler chapters... -shudder- They are scum.

**Becs**: BECCA! -tackle hugs- Thanks for the review, darlin'! I'm glad you love this fic. I definitely try to live the story through my imagination... it's hard sometimes, but it helps! I hope this chapter was as good, as well.

**Aidan**: Never ask to be shot. Actually, never ask _me_ to shoot you. Wise lad. -koff- I'm glad you were able to figure your way through it! It wasn't _too_ confusing, was it...? -sweatdrop- Sorry 'bout that. I tried to make it accessible for non-_Alice 19th_ fans... but it's hard after a while.

**Leftoverthoughts**: Thanks! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Oh, and I'm fifteen... -grin-


	11. Chapter XI: The Only Reverie

Author's Note: Well, hello all. -forces a smile- Now that I've made you wait over a month, I suppose I owe you all an apology and an explanation.

First of all, the summer swimming season just ended, and it was incredibly hectic. I was very busy with work and swimming. I hardly spent any time at home during the last week... and I was absolutely exhausted when it was over.

Secondly, we recently found out that my dad's best friend has a terminal brain tumor, and we're now with the family. We'll be spending a lot of our time with them in the near future, and it will be quite time-consuming (they live in a different state than we do). This has also been taking up my time.

But, also, I've been lazy. And, for that, I'm incredibly sorry. -sigh-

So... here's the next chapter. Hope you all like it.

—

Disclaimer: Never have owned _Alice 19th_, never will. No, I am most definitely not _that_ ambitious.

—

Chapter XI: The Only Reverie

—

Time seemed to stand still for a second. Two seconds. Ten seconds. There was barely a distinction between the seconds as they ticked by. The large grandfather clock in the hall reverberated loudly as it sounded the hour, but nobody seemed to notice. The shock of the situation had completely captured their senses—especially those of the ghostly red-haired girl and the wide-eyed blonde boy that stared at her in disbelief.

For Clementine, it wasn't hard to believe that she had killed Eric. It was _facing_ the fact that she had murdered yet another person that chilled her to the bones. She had vowed that she would never kill anyone ever again... but... his death had been necessary, hadn't it? She liked to believe so. Still, pointing the gun... pulling the trigger... watching as the person falls to the ground... bleeding, gasping for breath... it was traumatizing.

For Frey, it was almost impossible for him to believe that Clementine... the promising young woman that he had known... that he had loved... could actually _kill_ someone without hesitation. But, however impossible it was, it wasn't what sent a shiver down his spine. It was undoubtedly Clementine that stood before him... but she was no more than a shadow of her previous self. He had seen her that way before; that one time when he had visited her Inner Heart, he had been confronted by the inner manifestation of the Mara inside of her. And it was there again... standing right in front of him.

They stood there for a long time, simply staring at each other. Eventually, Clementine's limbs began to shake in a convulsive manner. The gun fell to the floor, followed by Clementine, herself. Frey stood stock-still as he watched—seemingly in some kind of reverie, which was the after-effect of the immense shock he had been experiencing. A moment later, he was snapped out of his dream-like state by the frantic and worried questions of his companions.

"Who is she?" "What happened?" "Frey, what's going on, here?"

Still in a numb state of unbelief, Frey turned to look at the people with him. Alice had covered her eyes and was shaking slightly while Kyô held her tightly in an attempt to comfort her. Billy was merely staring at Eric's lifeless body with a steely and unfeeling gaze. Chris looked as if he would be sick; he was so disconcerted that he didn't even think to heal Clementine with his Lotis. Mei Lin was gazing at Frey inquisitively, knowing that he knew more than any of them.

Without so much as a word, Frey turned back and leaned down next to Clementine. He picked her up in one swift motion and began to walk back to the residential area of the building. He offered no explanation and no answers. The silence was nearly deafening.

One by one, the other Lotis Masters followed Frey's lead. They no longer spoke, either—they knew that Frey didn't really hear what they were saying.

Once they were all gone, a certain young Maram Master emerged from the shadows. His entire countenance adopted a rather thoughtful look as he gazed at the retreating forms of the others. A smirk both endearing and sickening flickered at the corners of his lips.

_**Interesting...**_

—

Just as the sun began to set, a small groan could be heard from the corner of a small, cozy room, where a tired-looking, slightly emaciated girl was beginning to stir. That is, it could have been heard if only it had been a bit quieter in the room. The occupants seemed to be in a sort of frenzy—talking so loudly and quickly, it was a miracle that they could understand each other. Clementine, for one, _couldn't_.

Rising into a half-sitting position, she winced and placed a hand on her forehead. A splitting headache was _exactly_ what she needed at that moment. _If only I could have a few broken bones to top it off!_ She sighed in frustration, and her hands slowly balled into fists. The combination of the headache and the frenzy in the room was enough to drive anybody mad. Finally, something in her snapped, and she merely couldn't take it anymore.

"Everyone... _shut up_!" she yelled rather loudly, accentuating the last two words of her order. Everyone immediately became silent and turned to look at her—blinking in slight shock. Everyone besides Frey, that is.

Sighing again, she slowly rubbed her temples—eyes squeezed shut. "God... you all were talking loud enough to wake the dead... and I'm sure they'd appreciate it just about as much as I do."

It was official; the shy, timid girl of yesteryear was gone. Forever.

Frey silently inclined his head towards the door—indicating that everyone should leave for the time being. He had some "business" to attend to. Business that he wanted to take care of in private...

Prompt and obedient, the others quietly filed out of the room. They still whispered among themselves, but they were somewhat afraid to talk too loudly until they were far enough away. They had the feeling that something wasn't nearly right, and they knew that Frey was upset. The guy had hardly spoken since the "incident"... which was quite unlike him.

Once they were gone, the room was filled with a tense, awkward, and altogether unpleasant silence. Frey's troubled green eyes were fixed on Clementine, but it seemed that he stared at nothing in particular. Clementine's empty green eyes were focused on her hands, which were nervously plucking at the blanket she was nestled under. They didn't speak for a long time. When someone finally spoke up, it was Clem.

"...welcome back." Her words were incredibly terse and lined with sarcasm. Hearing how cold she sounded, she nearly winced. It almost seemed that she had no control over herself...

Frey chuckled somewhat bitterly. "Thanks for the warm welcome. I'm so happy to be back." His tone was just as sarcastic—if not more so—than hers. This caused her to wince inwardly.

_...what have I done...?_

Her eyes slowly closed as she let out a deep breath that she hadn't previously been aware that she was holding. "I'm... sorry."

"You're _sorry_...? That's all you have to say to me?" A flash of some undeterminable emotion flashed through his otherwise passive emerald eyes. He was generally an incredibly empathetic, caring, forgiving person... but _this_... he didn't even know what he was dealing with. "You said that you were going home. But you're still here." He gazed at her for a moment—slight disdain reflected in his countenance. "If this even is _you_."

"It's me, alright..." She laughed a bit darkly. "Although I wish I could say that it isn't." Her gaze flickered to him for a moment, but she couldn't bring herself to look him in the eyes. "I was going home. I was going to get out of here. Away from the pain... away from the confusion... away from the... the visions..." She finally locked her gaze with his—nothing but pure emptiness and a tinge of anger showing in her expression. "But I couldn't. My mother suddenly died. There was nothing to go back to. Nothing to live for." Scowling, she shifted her gaze to stare at the wall behind Frey's head, and added in a mutter, "Nothing but my hatred."

Frey shook his head disbelievingly. "I can't believe what I'm hearing. This isn't you."

"You don't know me!" Her voice rang out loudly and clearly, but sounded slightly choked. The exclamation was followed by a short, shocked silence. When she continued, it was obvious that she was fighting back tears. "You don't know anything about me, Frey. I'm weak... given to hatred and pain... I'm a murderer... not in control of my own passions... I'm a liar and a deceiver... willing to hurt everyone around me by falsifying everything just so I don't have to face the truth... I'm corrupt... a slave to the sin of darkness, not willing or able to search for the light. You don't _know_ me. If you did, you wouldn't be here right now." There was a long, painful pause before she continued. "If you did, _I_ wouldn't be here right now..."

A look of slight shock and hurt flickered through Frey's countenance, and when he spoke, his voice was incredibly shaky. "So, that's it, then... you... you blame me for all of this, don't you? Whatever 'this' is, to begin with."

There was no response. Clementine merely stared down at her hands with an impassive expression on her face. It was neither affirmation nor refutation.

Shaking his head again, Frey let out a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. For a long time, he couldn't bring himself to look back at her. He couldn't bear to see her that way... to hear what she was saying... he wanted to believe that he was dreaming, but the pain was all too real. His eyes did eventually wander back to her emaciated frame—staring, but not really seeing. "Tell me what I'm dealing with, Clementine. What happened to you?"

Clementine didn't move a muscle. Her eyes were fixed and focused on the wall on the opposite end of the room, but they were glazed over with an expression of extreme pain. Her hands gripped the blanket tightly and didn't seem like they were going to relax any time soon. If one hadn't known better, they would have thought that she was incredibly ill and in searing pain. In all reality, she _was_ ill and in pain—but not physically. When she opened her mouth to speak, only one word found its way past her lips. "Eric."

To most people, the simple, four-letter name would mean nothing. However, to Frey, it hit home—hard. He opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it again. No words would come out. So, instead, Clementine forced herself to continue.

"He tricked me. Deceived me. Not just me... all of us. But especially me. He said he was going to train me... and he trained me, alright." A bitter laugh escaped her lips. "Just not in the way he said he would." She inclined her head to meet his gaze once more. Her voice had an unmistakable venomous tinge. "He placed a curse seal on my neck. It caused me to forget everything that was good in my life. My mother... my innocence... you. Everything. It only left me with my hatred. And I hated him.

"Ever since I arrived here, I've been having 'prophetic dreams'... all of which were dark in nature. The curse seal only amplified these... to the breaking point. I couldn't take it anymore. They were driving me mad. I needed to get rid of them." She winced slightly, looking back down at her hands. "I _had_ to get rid of them..."

Frey's eyes widened as he realized where she was headed. "No... you didn't..."

"The Lotis _didn't work_, Frey! It didn't! It couldn't! There was only one thing that _could_!"

Before either of them really knew what was happening, Frey had jumped up and grabbed Clementine by her shoulders—shaking her somewhat roughly, but just roughly enough to get his point across. "You, Clementine! _You_! You could have made it go away! Not _Darva_!"

Clementine's mask of superiority and indifference had been sufficiently cracked by Frey's sudden—and rather unexpected—actions. She stared up at him with wide, shocked eyes. Her lips were parted slightly in an expression of surprise. There were no words for her to say, no matter how desperately she grasped at them. All she could do was sit there and listen to him as he continued.

"I don't know what was going through your head when you did what you did, but nobody in their right mind could _possibly_ believe it to be the right choice! I _told_ you that you could defeat your own darkness! Why didn't you listen to me! Do you _honestly_ believe that I don't have Mara of my own? How do you think _I_ get over it!" He didn't wait for an answer, knowing that he wouldn't receive one. "I don't make deals with Darva, in case you were wondering."

A single tear escaped from one of Clementine's eyes and slowly slid down her cheek. Her eyes seemed empty and unfocused, and her body crumpled slightly as it became somewhat limp. "I... I never... had the strength... I couldn't... hold on... to a hope that wasn't there..."

"It _was_ there! It was there the whole time, right in front of your face! And it still is." Gently grasping her chin with one of his hands, he forced her gaze to meet his. "I told you that I would protect you... help you protect yourself. Why didn't you believe me?"

She seemed to shrink from him. She was afraid, but... of what? Letting her gaze fall from his down to her hands, she whispered, "...you can't protect me if you're dead..."

Frey blinked in confusion. "...what?"

Clementine swallowed hard and closed her eyes—letting out a shuddering breath. "I... I had a dream... a dream that you were going to die... that Darva was going to kill you... you and all of your companions..." Seeing the shocked look in his eyes, she nodded. "Yes... I saw all of them... all of them, in my dream. The short, brunette girl... the blonde boy... the American... all of them." Sighing, she placed her head in her hands. "So far, everything that I've dreamed... it's come true in one way or another. I... I couldn't bear to stay... and watch it happen... that's why... that's why I didn't go with you to Japan..." She was beginning to choke on her words. "I thought that you were never coming back."

Something sparked in Frey's eyes—some hint of understanding at long last. "...that's why you wanted to go home, isn't it? You wanted to-"

"To forget, yes." She quickly cut him off. "I wanted to forget everything. I was never going to use the Lotis again. I wanted to believe that I never met you. I wanted to forget the day you came to my house. The day you saved me. Because that's just what you do, Frey." Her hands dropped from her face to rest on the blanket once more, but her head still drooped. "You were always there to save me. Until I needed to save myself. And I couldn't... because I've always been weak."

Frey just stood there for a while. His eyes wandered over her drooping frame. It was still hard to believe that she was the same girl that he had loved. That he... that he still loved. Sitting down next to her, he wrapped his arms around her—pulling her close—and rested his chin atop her head. "...you can still be saved, Clementine. Let me help you."

Something suddenly snapped inside of Clementine. "No."

**_Vina_**.

An invisible barrier separated the two—hitting Frey with such a force that it knocked him across the room, slamming him into the wall. Gritting his teeth, he pulled himself to his knees and gripped his side. Clementine stood in front of him—eyes gleaming with a pained darkness. There was a battle going on inside of her, and it wasn't clear which side was winning.

She hesitated, then turned and walked away. Pausing at the door, she looked back and spoke one last time. "Save yourself."

With that, she vanished.

—

As soon as she had exited the branch, she began to run as fast as she possibly could. She didn't know where she was going... or what she was doing... all she knew is that she _had_ to get away. Far away. And fast.

Unfortunately, someone had different plans for her future.

**_Matsu_**.

Clementine let out a sharp shriek as she felt the ground rise up and ensnare her feet, all the way up to her ankles. She fell to her knees in a rather ungraceful manner—trying to leave her ankle-bones and ligaments intact. She knew what was going on. She had known that it was inevitable. After all, he _had_ said that he would be watching... and a Maram Master never forgets a threat.

**_Manu_**.

Watching with wide-eyed terror, Clementine couldn't help but gasp when the ground was—quite literally—torn apart, and a wall of water that stretched towards the heavens shot out of the fissure in the earth. It suddenly froze—creating a wall of solid ice. There was no way through it, and certainly no way that she could get around it.

**_Daara_**.

A fierce gust of wind bellowed through the field, headed straight towards the prostrate girl. It lifted her up from underneath—tearing her feet from the ground—and slammed her into the wall of ice. Then, just as suddenly as it had arrived, it was gone. Clementine slid to the ground. She didn't have the willpower to stand up and face him, and he knew that she wouldn't dare use the Maram against him.

Using the Maram Words against a seasoned Maram Master is nearly as futile an effort as attempting to scale Mount Everest on your own when you are no more than five years old; no matter what you do, every effort seems to negate itself, and you usually wind up dead. Clementine knew this. Besides, she had been caught off-guard... and Samuel had attacked first. There was no hope for her to win a battle, so she wisely decided to avoid starting one.

So, instead, she just laid there on the ground like a discarded rag—dirtied, dejected, and limp. She even made no move when Samuel came forward and prodded her body rather roughly with his boot.

"If you wish to play dead, you ought to make a stronger effort at it," he sneered. It was obvious that she was alive and still had the energy and strength to move... maybe even to defend herself. "And, if you wish to die, do not look to me as the harbinger of gratification."

Wincing in pain, Clementine raised herself to her knees with her hands—panting slightly. Breathing, in a word, _hurt_. She could tell that she had a cracked rib or two from the collision with the wall.

"I look to you as the harbinger of doom, Samuel." Holding her side, she rocked back on her heels until she came to rest in a sitting position. She tilted her head up and smiled in a sickly manner. A slight trickle of blood trailed from the corner of her mouth. "But, then again... aren't we all?"

Samuel chuckled—a sick sense of satisfaction evident in his tone. "Doom to all that is 'good' in the world." Grinning darkly, he winked. "That's all."

Clementine grimaced inwardly, but forced a placid smile to her lips. Her eyes gleamed with many different flickers of emotion—all surfacing simultaneously. It cast the shadow of madness over her features. But all she really felt was... extreme confusion. Her mind was not falling prey to clinical insanity. Her mind was falling prey to the insanity that only emotion can bring.

The insanity of the human heart.

Is there _truly_ any insanity of a more dangerous and crippling nature than the insanity of the human heart? Can one ever really trust their emotions and blindly follow their instinct? Should one allow themselves to fall prey to feeling... and to revel in it as much as they can despise it? The ups and downs of life are all caused and reflected by emotion.

But what is a human without emotion? No matter how hard one might try to suppress the urges and callings of their heart, they can never _truly_ block out its voice.

To be human is to feel. To feel is to be confused.

There is no way around it.

At that moment, Clementine believed that a life devoid of all emotion would be nirvana. But, deep down, she knew that to really believe that would to be deny her own existence—her own humanity.

In all reality, she was trying to escape.

There was no escape. She knew it as much as everyone else did. The decision was hers, and hers alone. What was she to do?

Was she to be strong and believe in the light in the face of unfathomable darkness... in the face of certain death? Was she to trust in the one person who cared for her more than anyone else ever had, even when what he was proposing sounded like madness? Was she to go against everything she knew in her head and heart just to have it all thrown back in her face when they were defeated in the end? It sounded preposterous.

But... was she _really_ better off on the other side of the spectrum—wallowing in darkness, tripping over every twig, stumbling into every pitfall, helpless as the invisible walls closed in around her? It, too, sounded preposterous.

In both decisions she foresaw her inevitable demise.

Everything was futile.

She was suddenly snapped out of her reverie when Samuel tossed a mask to her. It landed right in front of her knees and stayed there—seemingly staring up at her with a foreboding gaze. A gaze of empty darkness... but of irresistible power.

"It was Eric's. He told me that if anything were to happen to him, you would be ready to take his place."

Offering no response, Clementine hesitantly reached out to touch the mask. As soon as her fingers met with its cool surface, she immediately jerked her hand back. Her eyes widened in fear, then quickly resumed their usual size. It all happened so quickly that Samuel hardly saw, but he saw, nonetheless.

"Something wrong?" His brow was furrowed and his gaze, scrutinizing. Clementine seemed to falter for a moment, but then confidently raised her head and met his gaze.

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

Reaching out again, she fingered the mask and slowly picked it up from the ground. She quirked a brow, then experimentally placed it on her face. It seemed to immediately adhere to its place, and she barely bit back a gasp of shock. A surge of dark power rippled down her spine and tingled as it flowed through her veins. Her green eyes began to glow with a subtle, ethereal hue. A smug smirk tugged at the corners of her lips as her eyes met Samuel's once more.

"What am I to do?"

—

Author's Note: Hmm. I'm semi-pleased with this chapter. I hope all of you are, as well. I sure kept you waiting for an awfully long time. Again... I am _so_ sorry. I can't even express in words how truly sorry I am. I have a bad case of the flu now... so... if it was disjointed... that's why.

-sweatdrop- Yes, I blame it all on the illness. -koff-

Until next time!

Review Responses:

**Leftoverthoughts**: -laughs- Thanks for the info, there. -winks- Anyways, I'm glad you think that my story is _that_ awesome! I certainly _try_ to make it so, but I'm not sure that I always succeed... oh, and thank you _so_ much... I hope that Yu Watase would be proud of me. She's a genius.

**Takame Kiriku**: Yeah, it was seriously disjointed. -sigh- I read it over a few times, and realized that I didn't really like it at all. Glad you did, though. It is true that an artist is their own worst critic. -chuckles- Oh, and Terje is actually the guy that killed everyone at the branch in the manga. I had to stay canon there... just 'cause... I had to. And you all should be seeing Mayura in the next chapter. I hope.

When KH came out, I was thirteen, and I said, "I bet I'm going to have to wait until I'm sixteen to play KH2." And so I do. -sigh- I hate it when I'm right...

I'm going to read and review your fics as soon as possible, I promise. My life has been soooo hectic right now... I can't even _begin_ to explain. Goodness. Whoever said that summer is a relaxing time of year seriously needs to live a day in my life.

**Helbaworshipper**: Well, now you don't have to wonder anymore. -grin-

**twilight eyes 8120**: -blush- Thank you _so_ much. Your reviews mean a lot to me. Really. -smiles- And, I know that Frey wasn't in this chapter a whole lot, and there wasn't any fluff... but I hope that you still liked it and aren't _too_ disappointed in me. Don't worry... I'm planning on some fluff in the future. I'm too much of a fluff-addict to forget!

**lunaflower323**: -laughs- Well, I'm glad you love it. Thank you. Hope you liked this chapter!

**Liz**: Was it as good as... say... coffee filters? 'Cause... if it was... then that's a _serious_ complement, y'know. -manages to control random spurts of laughter- And, yes, they're called "ellipsis." You spelled it right. Congratulations! -throws confetti- Hee... well, I hope you liked this chapter, as well!

**Tanlaith**: No—the incident didn't happen in the Inner Heart. It really happened. In real life. Yeah. -koff- Sorry the chapter didn't "get to you"... it didn't really get to me, either. -sweatdrop- Hope this one was better...

**Aidan**: Hmm, DarkClem reminds you of a certain kumorifutago? Actually, that wasn't intentional at _all_... but, now that you mention it, I suppose that they _do_ have their similarities. Although that certain kumorifutago is more Raven-esque. -nods- Anyways, hope this chapter wasn't too confusing for you!

**PychoFanaticELFinDaWood**: Wow, that was a hard name to type out... -sweatdrop, smiles sheepishly- Thank you for your review! I sincerely hope that you enjoyed this chapter.

**Essence of Reality**: You're welcome! I tried to be a bit... unpredictable with this chapter, but I fear that all my suspense was lost in my wording. -sigh- I think I'm too wordy. It doesn't leave much place for shock, or anything else, really. But, if you readers enjoy it, then I'm satisfied. For the time being. -grins-

**Arielle**: lol, no problem. Sorry it took me so long to update! ...was it really suspenseful? 'Cause... I never notice any suspense in any of my chapters... I mean, I _try_ to make them suspenseful, but do I really succeed? -sweatdrop- I hope I do, and I hope I did... some... in this chapter.

**thequietgenius**: Thank you very much! This update wasn't exactly _quick_... but, I hope you enjoy, all the same.


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